Smart phone, maybe; smart operator, maybe not

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November 17, 2009

Anonymous The Hendricks County Flyer Tue Nov 17, 2009, 12:58 PM EST

The price was right and the deal was solid, so I recently joined the 21st Century and bought a Smart Phone.

What was I thinking?

Well, obviously, I wasn’t, or I wouldn’t be sitting here wondering how to get the darned thing to work.

I’ve taken the online tutorial three times and I still get hung up at anything more complicated than calling Information. Which, I might add, is getting tired of hearing from me.

Supposedly, I can use this phone to do all the regular phone things — talk to Mom, order pizza, send text messages when I have an hour or so to type “Hello, how are you?” on those teeny little keys — as well as fancier phone things, like take photos and videos, and even place calls based on voice commands.

And then it can do higher computer-type functions, such as surfing the Internet and ... well, surfing the Internet’s actually as far as I’ve gotten in the instruction manual. I have about 200 pages left to go, though, so I’m assuming I can do a lot more computer-type stuff than just type in my own name to see if I’m out there anywhere. Oh, don’t act so superior. You’ve done it too.

Anyway, the way things look right now, the Smart Phone is exceedingly well named, because it certainly appears to be smarter than the operator.

I really don’t need all this gizmotronic trickery, you know. My business — Me, Incorporated — is pretty much contained in my hip pocket. I’m the only employee, so it’s not like I have to stay in touch with the workforce. And since I work at home, I’m never really away from a regular computer and an actual full-size telephone.

Therefore, by process of elimination we can deduce that I bought this phone for one reason only: It’s a gizmo, and I’m a guy, and guys love gizmos.

That doesn’t mean I buy every gizmo that comes down the pike. For example, I still don’t have a laptop computer, preferring my old desktop computer instead. What can I say? It’s dependable, when it works. Besides, you just don’t see that many diesel models anymore.

Or take cell phones. I wasn’t the LAST person in the Seventh Federal Reserve District, but I was close. It was down to me and a few Amish people.

But every once in a while something comes along that really catches my fancy (and if you’ve ever had your fancy caught, you know how painful that can be). The only solution is to buy it. This is how I have come to own most of the Ronco line of home appliances. It seems my fancy is particularly susceptible when I’m up all night watching television.

Anyway, back to the new phone.

I’m told this thing is going to improve my productivity. I fail to see how that’s possible if I spend all day trying to get it to work. Although I’m pretty sure if I keep with it, it won’t be long before I figure out how to place real phone calls, with the area code and everything.

And then I’ll really join the 21st Century and start getting a little more use out of this gizmo. Which is more than I can say for my Ronco Pocket Fisherman. Used it once. Didn’t even get a nibble. I think the fish were too busy laughing at me.

© 2009 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.

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