I’ve just had the most interesting week, “interesting” being the word you use when you don’t know whether to laugh, or cry, or both.
What was interesting — which, by the way, I was taught to pronounce as “IN-trest-ing,” as opposed to the oft-heard “INNER-est-ing” — was that twice in one week I found myself a victim. First of someone else’s criminally bad manners, and once of my own stupidity.
The first story begins with a telephone call from one of my credit card companies. A very nice woman on the other end of the line started by asking if I’d recently made any large purchases.
“Well, I spent about $150 at Target last week,” I said, “but I’m pretty sure that’s under my credit limit. Look, if it’s a problem, I have two unopened three-pound bags of Gummi Bears I could take back and ...”
“No, sir, that’s not the problem. We’d like to know if you recently made any purchases at (name withheld) cabinet company.”
“No, I haven’t.” I already saw where this conversation was heading. “How much are we talking about?”
“$2,000,” said the credit card lady.
“Oh, my. No.”
“I see, sir. And did you make any purchases at an (name withheld again) wholesale?”
“No. Do I want to know how much?”
“$4,000. Sir? Sir? Are you there?”
I picked myself up off the floor. Egad. Someone had just racked up six big ones on my credit card, and I was worried about Gummi Bears.
Obviously I had been the victim of an identity thief. Of course, the credit card lady knew this and went to great effort to assure me I would not get stuck with the bill, but I still felt like something creepy had just happened. I thanked the credit card lady for the call, destroyed the card as she instructed, and began wondering how in the dickens this all happened.
I started thinking back on how I had used the card, and who might have appropriated my credit, and soon enough the answer came to me: I have no earthly idea.
All I could remember for sure was that trip to Target, and I was pretty sure the nice lady at the register there didn’t do it. Heck, I see her all the time. Then I began thinking that she would be the perfect one to do it because no one would suspect her. I began to concoct a plan where I would be in her line and just casually mention that I was looking for new cabinets, just to see what her reaction would be. And then I decided to stop making myself crazy.
The plain truth is I got defrauded and in doing so, joined the 21st Century. I had fallen victim to the 21st Century crime of identity theft.
This brings me to my next calamity, which I brought on myself. Speaking of joining the 21st Century, I got myself a Blackberry. Don’t ask why. All l I know is that the price was right, the plan was fair, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Then again, so did getting a credit card.
The only trouble is I can’t see the letters and numbers well enough to make the thing work. I have just about memorized the owner’s manual, though, and I’ll say this:
It sure is inneresting.
© 2009 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
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