Getting old can be expensive

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March 16, 2010

Anonymous The Hendricks County Flyer Tue Mar 16, 2010, 04:25 PM EDT

I believe I just had my first Senior Moment.

Could have sworn I was still a junior.

It happened during a brief weekend jaunt down to Nashville — the one in Tennessee — for a brief spell of acting like I’m some kind of big shot.

The big shot thing I accomplished by taking lodgings in one of my favorite hotels on this planet, the 100-year-old Hermitage, a rather swanky joint across the street from the Tennessee state capitol. I love the place for its superior lodgings and the fact that once Gene Autry checked in and got a separate room for his horse, Champion. Really. They took out all the furniture, laid canvas over the floor and installed Champion with a room service lunch and a key to the honor bar.

The Hermitage is one of those places where, if you’re me, you like to dress to match the atmosphere. I tend to choose old, fancy hotels whenever possible — you know, the kinds of places that look like sets from old Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies. Gleaming marble floors, polished brass everywhere, a grand piano tinkling in the corner, members of the staff moving about with quiet efficiency — that’s the atmosphere I seek. And when I’m in it, I like to look the part — suit, tie, shined shoes. Showing off? Maybe. But I also think it’s about respect for the building and its history.

Not that everyone shares this belief. It’s always a little jarring to walk into that setting and see some guy who looks like Curly from the Three Stooges, only with a goatee and tattoos, standing at the urn loading up on free coffee.

Now, I didn’t wear a suit to travel, although I sometimes do. I find if you dress nicely you get treated a little nicer than if you show up for your flight in, say, cargo shorts, flip-flops, and a tie-dyed Grateful Dead tank top. (Are you listening, Mom?)

That meant I had to dress for dinner, and this is where we find my Senior Moment. I stepped out of my luxurious bathroom and began laying out my clothes — neatly pressed suit, starched shirt, tie, socks ... and oops.

I know what you’re thinking. I forgot the shoes, right?

Wrong.

I had shoes, all right, a left one and a right one. It’s just that the left one was brown, and the right one was black.

Senior Moment. Big one.

This is what happens when you keep your shoes in bags and just reach into the closet to grab a pair instead of actually checking to see you’re getting what you want.

This, of course, presented a calamity. The only other shoes I had were tennis shoes. I called the concierge and he helpfully told me that all the stores near the hotel were closed, but that I could drive out to a mall. I started to tell him that was HIS job — hasn’t he seen any movies about swanky hotels? — but instead, I made the trip and brought a pair of shoes for about $100 more than I had budgeted for “emergency expenses.”

Which leaves me with a lesson I’d like to pass along to everyone. Save your money. Save as much as you can for your old age. Start now, when you’re still a freshman or sophomore.

Those senior moments are expensive.

© 2010 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.

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