By Mike Redmond
CNHI
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I was sitting in a restaurant the other day — I won’t say which one, but I will say it was one of those where you get pancakes as a side dish to anything you order, including salads — when I flipped casually to the menu page for, shall we say, mature guests.
You know which page I’m talking about — it’s the one that offers the Penny Pincher Special (one egg, one slice of white toast, coffee), the Cardiac Combo (oatmeal, fruit cup, Sanka), and the Regular Customer Special (two eggs, whole wheat toast, Metamucil).
I had already decided on my order (cheeseburger, fries, pancakes) so I was just sort of browsing. I wasn’t ordering. I want to emphasize that, especially in light of the following. Not. Ordering.
OK, I saw that the Maturity Menu was for people ages 55 and older, and two thoughts raced through my mind:
“Wow, I could order from this page of the menu!”
And ...
“Wow, I could order from this page of the menu!”
Same wording exactly, but two completely different thoughts.
The first was sort of a pleasant surprise. The second was a surprise, but I wouldn’t call it pleasant.
I am 55 years old. According to some — my students, for example — this puts me at about the same age as their parents, which is to say Jurassic. According to others, such as my co-workers, I’m one of the “experienced” members of the staff. And according to my dog, I’m a robust 385.
According to me, however, I just ... am. In most ways, I feel pretty much as I did 10, 15, 20 years ago — a little more settled, perhaps, but certainly no wiser. I’m the same knucklehead I’ve always been. Only slower.
We’re screwy about age in the country. Youth rules the retail and entertainment worlds, despite the fact that youth has no money. Those with money hanging out of their pockets, the mature generations, are all but ignored by advertisers and marketers, unless, of course, they are advertising and marketing something intended to make us look or feel younger.
Being older isn’t what it used to be. For one thing, it’s treacherous from the employment standpoint. Experience used to be a valuable asset. Now it’s a liability. Too expensive. Not as expensive as fixing the mistakes caused by inexperienced newcomers working for one-third the salary, but hey, since when did business make sense?
Being a senior today isn’t what it used to be, either. Grandpa used to sit on the porch and yell at kids to stay off the lawn. Now he’s inside yelling at political radio. Once we went over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house. Now we fly to Florida to visit her in her condo and have a catered dinner before she rushes off to karate class.
Age is all a bunch of bushwa. You are the age you are, but you are also the age you feel. If you feel pretty much the same as you always did, that’s good enough and nobody can argue with you. And as for your chronological age — you can’t do anything about it, so why try? And why lie? It can be useful, if for example, you want to save a couple bucks on breakfast.
Although there’s no law that says you HAVE to.
© 2010 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
