November is a month to give thanks. Following the tradition, I am continuing my month-long series on things that I am thankful for. This week: I am thankful that my Thanksgiving turkey will not be covered in bacon. Perhaps I should explain.
Earlier this year I wrote a column about bacon. Bacon is, as they say, "trending heavily" this year. I mentioned then that your life can be one big bacon-themed bonanza, and so can your death. That is because you can get bacon toothpaste, dental floss, mints, gumballs, shakes, soap, massage oil, vodka, popcorn, envelopes, sheets, jammies, and yes, a coffin painted like bacon and filled with bacon scented air-fresheners; I guess so that bacon-lovers can enjoy what killed them long into the afterlife.
It only makes sense then that this bacon-obsessed society would follow all that up by giving thanks for their compacted arteries by adding bacon to their Thanksgiving meal.
To get the scoop on all things bacon, I usually go right to the source: "Bacon Today; Daily News on the World of Sweet, Sweet Bacon." This wonderful website, found at bacontoday.com, has bacon news, bacon reviews, bacon recipes, and of course, a bacon gift shop. If you want to know how to die of a coronary in the quickest possible fashion, this is the place to be.
First and foremost on the Thanksgiving menu is a bacon-wrapped turkey. You may have seen pictures of it online as it is all the rage this year. One recipe I found suggested you begin by taking a half pound of bacon and a half pound of butter and put them in a blender with some spices to make a nice, bacon butter. Then you rub it all over the turkey. You know, because just wrapping the turkey in bacon might not kill you, so you need to go the extra mile.
Let's stop here a minute to discuss the many uses for bacon butter other than slathering it on a turkey. I can see the info-mercial now.
"Tired of having too much energy? Sick of that healthy glow? Well now your troubles are over! It's bacon butter! Slap it on a pancake. Put a dollop on your ice cream. You can even rub it on your skin and lay out in the sun to increase the aging process!
"Kids, are you tired of Mom making you eat healthy? Make those otherwise distasteful healthy foods better by mixing bacon butter in with your favorite yogurt or dipping your veggies in it. It's bacon butter!"
Where was I?
Oh, right. After you slather your bird with bacon butter, you weave a quilt of bacon around the turkey. Then throw it in the oven, all nice and snug, until it sweats grease; kind of like you will after you eat it.
Now for dessert: bacon pumpkin pie. That's right. If your bacon turkey isn't enough, you need to add bacon to your pumpkin pie. The recipe also calls for shortening; just to finish you off quicker.
Don't feel bad, bacon lovers. You will probably die after your Thanksgiving dinner, but just remember, you can be buried in that bacon coffin. And I'm just guessing, but the way things are going, you will probably soon be able to have yourself smoked and cured before you're interred.
Me, however? My turkey will not be covered in bacon. And for that I am thankful.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point," available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
Apparently, it is not enough to tolerate, accept, or even endorse the gay agenda. Now, unless you tolerate and accept criminal behavior committed by gays, you are a hater.
Believe it — that is the very public argument being made in behalf of Florida high school cheerleader Kaitlyn Hunt, 18, who faces criminal charges for having sex with a 14-year-old girl.
Word on the street and in the media is that it will be a really bad summer for mosquitoes. Or should I say, it will be a really bad summer for humans, because it will be a great year for thirsty mosquitoes.
When Barack Obama announced his presidential campaign back in February 2007, he did it in front of the old Springfield, Ill., Statehouse in a speech full of references to Abraham Lincoln.
Ordinarily I don’t take requests, but a bunch of people have written to ask how I’m doing with my weight-loss surgery and I thought this might be the most efficient way to answer.
I am a grandmother who went to the Brownsburg graduation ceremony on June 7 and due to very poor planning on Brownsburg School’s part, I could not sit and watch my twin grandsons graduate in person. I was directed to an overflow room where I had to watch it on a TV screen and could not even take pictures.
What you are now hearing across the land is a collective whine. Blue-state Democrats are upset that Texas Gov. Rick Perry dares come and play in their sandboxes, and worse, threatens to “poach” jobs from their states.
The website Politico reports that Perry’s attempts to lure jobs to Texas are “infuriating to prominent Democrats around the country.”
I am the first to admit I am behind the times when it comes to technology. I remember way back in the olden days of the 1990s when I was actually ahead of the game. Now there are second-graders that are more tech savvy than me. I just decided to stop my forward technological progression a few years back.
College graduates facing a crushing debt – some more than $100,000 – is a very big and a very real problem.
But U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s recent proposal to deal with it won’t solve the problem. It is a cheap ploy to divert attention from the real problem.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
Commentary
Discussion
Bacon: That's a wrap
By Rebecca Todd CNHI
November is a month to give thanks. Following the tradition, I am continuing my month-long series on things that I am thankful for. This week: I am thankful that my Thanksgiving turkey will not be covered in bacon. Perhaps I should explain.
Earlier this year I wrote a column about bacon. Bacon is, as they say, "trending heavily" this year. I mentioned then that your life can be one big bacon-themed bonanza, and so can your death. That is because you can get bacon toothpaste, dental floss, mints, gumballs, shakes, soap, massage oil, vodka, popcorn, envelopes, sheets, jammies, and yes, a coffin painted like bacon and filled with bacon scented air-fresheners; I guess so that bacon-lovers can enjoy what killed them long into the afterlife.
It only makes sense then that this bacon-obsessed society would follow all that up by giving thanks for their compacted arteries by adding bacon to their Thanksgiving meal.
To get the scoop on all things bacon, I usually go right to the source: "Bacon Today; Daily News on the World of Sweet, Sweet Bacon." This wonderful website, found at bacontoday.com, has bacon news, bacon reviews, bacon recipes, and of course, a bacon gift shop. If you want to know how to die of a coronary in the quickest possible fashion, this is the place to be.
First and foremost on the Thanksgiving menu is a bacon-wrapped turkey. You may have seen pictures of it online as it is all the rage this year. One recipe I found suggested you begin by taking a half pound of bacon and a half pound of butter and put them in a blender with some spices to make a nice, bacon butter. Then you rub it all over the turkey. You know, because just wrapping the turkey in bacon might not kill you, so you need to go the extra mile.
Let's stop here a minute to discuss the many uses for bacon butter other than slathering it on a turkey. I can see the info-mercial now.
"Tired of having too much energy? Sick of that healthy glow? Well now your troubles are over! It's bacon butter! Slap it on a pancake. Put a dollop on your ice cream. You can even rub it on your skin and lay out in the sun to increase the aging process!
"Kids, are you tired of Mom making you eat healthy? Make those otherwise distasteful healthy foods better by mixing bacon butter in with your favorite yogurt or dipping your veggies in it. It's bacon butter!"
Where was I?
Oh, right. After you slather your bird with bacon butter, you weave a quilt of bacon around the turkey. Then throw it in the oven, all nice and snug, until it sweats grease; kind of like you will after you eat it.
Now for dessert: bacon pumpkin pie. That's right. If your bacon turkey isn't enough, you need to add bacon to your pumpkin pie. The recipe also calls for shortening; just to finish you off quicker.
Don't feel bad, bacon lovers. You will probably die after your Thanksgiving dinner, but just remember, you can be buried in that bacon coffin. And I'm just guessing, but the way things are going, you will probably soon be able to have yourself smoked and cured before you're interred.
Me, however? My turkey will not be covered in bacon. And for that I am thankful.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point," available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
Will the current V.A. backlog on veterans’ compensation claims be the next scandal to hit the administration?
Currently, the backlog is at 865,000 plus compensation claims with a wait time of greater than 125 days.
June 18, 2013
Apparently, it is not enough to tolerate, accept, or even endorse the gay agenda. Now, unless you tolerate and accept criminal behavior committed by gays, you are a hater.
Believe it — that is the very public argument being made in behalf of Florida high school cheerleader Kaitlyn Hunt, 18, who faces criminal charges for having sex with a 14-year-old girl.
June 18, 2013
Word on the street and in the media is that it will be a really bad summer for mosquitoes. Or should I say, it will be a really bad summer for humans, because it will be a great year for thirsty mosquitoes.
June 14, 2013
As a Christian, I feel compelled to respond to a recent letter to the editor.
June 14, 2013
When Barack Obama announced his presidential campaign back in February 2007, he did it in front of the old Springfield, Ill., Statehouse in a speech full of references to Abraham Lincoln.
June 14, 2013
Ordinarily I don’t take requests, but a bunch of people have written to ask how I’m doing with my weight-loss surgery and I thought this might be the most efficient way to answer.
June 11, 2013
I am a grandmother who went to the Brownsburg graduation ceremony on June 7 and due to very poor planning on Brownsburg School’s part, I could not sit and watch my twin grandsons graduate in person. I was directed to an overflow room where I had to watch it on a TV screen and could not even take pictures.
June 11, 2013
What you are now hearing across the land is a collective whine. Blue-state Democrats are upset that Texas Gov. Rick Perry dares come and play in their sandboxes, and worse, threatens to “poach” jobs from their states.
The website Politico reports that Perry’s attempts to lure jobs to Texas are “infuriating to prominent Democrats around the country.”
June 11, 2013
I am the first to admit I am behind the times when it comes to technology. I remember way back in the olden days of the 1990s when I was actually ahead of the game. Now there are second-graders that are more tech savvy than me. I just decided to stop my forward technological progression a few years back.
June 7, 2013
College graduates facing a crushing debt – some more than $100,000 – is a very big and a very real problem.
But U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s recent proposal to deal with it won’t solve the problem. It is a cheap ploy to divert attention from the real problem.
June 7, 2013
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An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
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Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
Pit bulls “are considered dangerous animals/dogs and potentially hazardous to the community,” a Bessemer, Pa., ordinance states.
June 19, 2013 1 Photo
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