There are scary things out there in this world; things we should protect our children from. However, they are not the things children often hear scary Halloween stories about. Children are told stories about ghosts and vampires. Warnings are given that the stories might be too scary for young children. But the real scary things, the things that children should really be warned about, are not usually in these stories. If they were, the stories might go something like this:
The Halloween night was dark and stormy. The wind howled as Kevin headed toward the old house. "Just one more house and then I will be done trick or treating," he thought to himself.
Kevin was no longer thinking straight. He had already consumed three Milky Ways, two Kit Kats, several bags of M&Ms both plain and peanut, and even a bag of those nasty peanut butter M&Ms. He was so high on sugar he had even eaten several of those generic jaw breakers and multi-flavored taffy-type things that come in bulk at Walmart. You know, the kind that even dieting, middle-aged women wouldn't bother to sneak out of their child's trick or treat bag.
So Kevin skipped ahead up the broken steps of the old house and cheerfully, if not a little too emphatically, pounded on the crooked door like a (note: graphic, scary image coming up! Parental discretion advised) zombie smelling fresh brains. He was on such a sugar rush, it never even occurred to him to panic as the door flung itself open and crashed against an interior wall, splitting into pieces and (note: children, do not read!) pooling several large, scuttling creatures onto the floor.
"Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!" Kevin screamed like a screeching (note: horrific imagery ahead! Parental discretion advised) bat out of hell.
Kevin burst into the cobweb-filled, ghost-infested house with a happy, sugar anticipation. "Trick or treat!" he was still screaming. "Trick or treat! Trick or ..."
Kevin's excited cries died in his throat as he suddenly noticed a strange blue glow coming from underneath a door to his right. The glow was intoxicating. Kevin could not resist it. He moved slowly toward the door and pushed it forward. The blue glow filled his vision. He was instantly entranced.
Kevin moved toward the glowing screen slowly. (Note: There are no warnings for the things that are coming ... but there should be). "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" was splayed across the screen. Wicked laughter came from the corner or the room, but Kevin barely noticed the wicked old witch. "Come child," she purred. "Come sit and watch television with me."
His candy all but forgotten, Kevin sat. And Kevin watched. He watched Honey Boo Boo cavort. Then he watched "My Big Redneck Wedding." Then he watched "Maury Povich." Then that wicked old witch - she was truly evil - turned on "Jersey Shore"; dear Lord, it was a double episode. The old crone clapped her hands with glee, as Kevin's brain slowly turned to jelly.
When it was over, the witch walked Kevin to the door, gave him a deep-fried Twinkie and sent him on his way. "Gym tan laundry," Kevin muttered as he crossed the rickety porch and staggered up the lane.
"Gym tan laundry," the witch agreed as she closed the door. "Gym tan laundry, indeed."
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
Someone had to take the fall for President Barack Obama thoughtlessly drawing a “red line” threatening serious consequences if Syria used chemical weapons. It turns out that it is the president himself.
There were other issues that had potentially greater financial impact or will leave a more resolute imprint on people’s lives, such as Medicaid expansion and Common Core.
Oregon and Idaho each had to shut down three water gauges due to automatic budget cuts, known as sequestration. Watch how Idaho relies on these water gauges, from tracking drought conditions to determining stream levels for salmon.
Oregon and Idaho each had to shut down three water gauges due to automatic budget cuts, known as sequestration. Watch how Idaho relies on these water gauges, from tracking drought conditions to determining stream levels for salmon.
Commentary
Discussion
Caution: Parental discretion advised
By Rebecca Todd CNHI
There are scary things out there in this world; things we should protect our children from. However, they are not the things children often hear scary Halloween stories about. Children are told stories about ghosts and vampires. Warnings are given that the stories might be too scary for young children. But the real scary things, the things that children should really be warned about, are not usually in these stories. If they were, the stories might go something like this:
The Halloween night was dark and stormy. The wind howled as Kevin headed toward the old house. "Just one more house and then I will be done trick or treating," he thought to himself.
Kevin was no longer thinking straight. He had already consumed three Milky Ways, two Kit Kats, several bags of M&Ms both plain and peanut, and even a bag of those nasty peanut butter M&Ms. He was so high on sugar he had even eaten several of those generic jaw breakers and multi-flavored taffy-type things that come in bulk at Walmart. You know, the kind that even dieting, middle-aged women wouldn't bother to sneak out of their child's trick or treat bag.
So Kevin skipped ahead up the broken steps of the old house and cheerfully, if not a little too emphatically, pounded on the crooked door like a (note: graphic, scary image coming up! Parental discretion advised) zombie smelling fresh brains. He was on such a sugar rush, it never even occurred to him to panic as the door flung itself open and crashed against an interior wall, splitting into pieces and (note: children, do not read!) pooling several large, scuttling creatures onto the floor.
"Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!" Kevin screamed like a screeching (note: horrific imagery ahead! Parental discretion advised) bat out of hell.
Kevin burst into the cobweb-filled, ghost-infested house with a happy, sugar anticipation. "Trick or treat!" he was still screaming. "Trick or treat! Trick or ..."
Kevin's excited cries died in his throat as he suddenly noticed a strange blue glow coming from underneath a door to his right. The glow was intoxicating. Kevin could not resist it. He moved slowly toward the door and pushed it forward. The blue glow filled his vision. He was instantly entranced.
Kevin moved toward the glowing screen slowly. (Note: There are no warnings for the things that are coming ... but there should be). "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" was splayed across the screen. Wicked laughter came from the corner or the room, but Kevin barely noticed the wicked old witch. "Come child," she purred. "Come sit and watch television with me."
His candy all but forgotten, Kevin sat. And Kevin watched. He watched Honey Boo Boo cavort. Then he watched "My Big Redneck Wedding." Then he watched "Maury Povich." Then that wicked old witch - she was truly evil - turned on "Jersey Shore"; dear Lord, it was a double episode. The old crone clapped her hands with glee, as Kevin's brain slowly turned to jelly.
When it was over, the witch walked Kevin to the door, gave him a deep-fried Twinkie and sent him on his way. "Gym tan laundry," Kevin muttered as he crossed the rickety porch and staggered up the lane.
"Gym tan laundry," the witch agreed as she closed the door. "Gym tan laundry, indeed."
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
May 17, 2013
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
May 17, 2013
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
On April 27, Dr. Jeff Butts demonstrated a rare form of servant leadership as he participated in the Go Love Indy westside service project.
May 13, 2013
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
May 13, 2013
Someone had to take the fall for President Barack Obama thoughtlessly drawing a “red line” threatening serious consequences if Syria used chemical weapons. It turns out that it is the president himself.
May 13, 2013
There were other issues that had potentially greater financial impact or will leave a more resolute imprint on people’s lives, such as Medicaid expansion and Common Core.
May 13, 2013
It happens every year at this time; I make a little dandelion whine. So here goes.
May 10, 2013
Follow me on Twitter
Will you be attending this year's Indy 500?
Tires
Telecommunications
Beauty Salons
Government
Oregon and Idaho each had to shut down three water gauges due to automatic budget cuts, known as sequestration. Watch how Idaho relies on these water gauges, from tracking drought conditions to determining stream levels for salmon.
May 15, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
When it comes to midsized family sedans, the Kia Optima ranks high on my list for its good looks, economy and value.
May 17, 2013 1 Photo
Oregon and Idaho each had to shut down three water gauges due to automatic budget cuts, known as sequestration. Watch how Idaho relies on these water gauges, from tracking drought conditions to determining stream levels for salmon.
May 15, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
Restaurants in avon
Tires in avon
Telecommunications in avon
Pizza Restaurants in avon
Beauty Salons in avon
Government in avon
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