As a Roman Catholic male, I am eligible to become Pope.
Granted, it's something of a long shot, but just in case, I have prepared my application:
"Howdy do, Buongiorno and Dominus Vobiscum from Indianapolis, Indiana, home of the world's greatest automobile race and, should the white smoke puff in my favor, the next Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Patriarch of the West, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City, Servant of the Servants of God.
"I'd like to state my case for papal office. As you can see from my resume, I am currently a free-lance writer, part-time farmer, and adjunct professor. This means I have plenty of spare time which I would gladly apply to Popeing. Popeitude. Being Pope.
"You can also see that I have been something of a 'free spirit' in my life, owing to a background in music, which I believe will bring a certain New World aesthetic to the leadership of the world's 1.2 billion Catholics, to wit:
"A. Papal Wardrobe - Let's get rid of the ermine and jewels and go for something practical. I'm thinking bowling shirts with names over the pockets. Imagine how many hungry people we could feed, clothe, house, and comfort with the money we'd save (and the fortune we'd get selling the old duds on Ebay).
"B. Speaking of Old Duds - It's time we got some younger people in the church hierarchy. By younger, I mean "less than the College of Cardinals' current average age of 72.' A few wild and crazy 68-year-olds could really liven up the joint.
"C. Downsizing - Do we really need our own country on all that valuable Roman real estate? Should a church even have borders? Let's see about shutting down some castles and getting into a few floors of an office building somewhere. Indianapolis is a nice, central location for a North American branch. I can start the search right now if you like.
"D. Keep The Good Stuff - Mass, for instance. Reconciliation. Marriage. All the sacraments, actually. But work on the music. It is Yawnsville. Let's think outside the confessional. I'll go first: Catholic Southern Gospel.
"Now, if I'm elected Pope, I know I'll have to follow certain traditions, such as changing my name. But I would like to break the cycle of all those antique names for something that might let the young folks know this is not their ancient ancestors' church ... so I'm thinking Bob. Pope Bob."
That's about it, I guess. I hope you don't think that by joking around a little I'm being sacrilegious. I'm not. I love the church and I love being Catholic. I just think a new pope, elected not in a time of grief but in one of anticipation, could bring great and positive change to the church and the world, and maybe usher us into an era where the power of churches, all kinds of churches, is in the way they serve their flocks and not the other way around.
Which gets me back to that papal name thing again. I know it's not going to happen anytime soon - in fact, as it stands, I really DO have a better chance of becoming Pope than this - but I think it would be exceptionally cool to someday have a Pope Mary.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
Someone had to take the fall for President Barack Obama thoughtlessly drawing a “red line” threatening serious consequences if Syria used chemical weapons. It turns out that it is the president himself.
There were other issues that had potentially greater financial impact or will leave a more resolute imprint on people’s lives, such as Medicaid expansion and Common Core.
It’s a bleak scenario. A massive earthquake along the New Madrid fault kills or injures 60,000 people in Tennessee. A quarter of a million people are homeless.
It’s a bleak scenario. A massive earthquake along the New Madrid fault kills or injures 60,000 people in Tennessee. A quarter of a million people are homeless.
Commentary
Discussion
Applying for pope
By Mike Redmond CNHI
As a Roman Catholic male, I am eligible to become Pope.
Granted, it's something of a long shot, but just in case, I have prepared my application:
"Howdy do, Buongiorno and Dominus Vobiscum from Indianapolis, Indiana, home of the world's greatest automobile race and, should the white smoke puff in my favor, the next Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Patriarch of the West, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City, Servant of the Servants of God.
"I'd like to state my case for papal office. As you can see from my resume, I am currently a free-lance writer, part-time farmer, and adjunct professor. This means I have plenty of spare time which I would gladly apply to Popeing. Popeitude. Being Pope.
"You can also see that I have been something of a 'free spirit' in my life, owing to a background in music, which I believe will bring a certain New World aesthetic to the leadership of the world's 1.2 billion Catholics, to wit:
"A. Papal Wardrobe - Let's get rid of the ermine and jewels and go for something practical. I'm thinking bowling shirts with names over the pockets. Imagine how many hungry people we could feed, clothe, house, and comfort with the money we'd save (and the fortune we'd get selling the old duds on Ebay).
"B. Speaking of Old Duds - It's time we got some younger people in the church hierarchy. By younger, I mean "less than the College of Cardinals' current average age of 72.' A few wild and crazy 68-year-olds could really liven up the joint.
"C. Downsizing - Do we really need our own country on all that valuable Roman real estate? Should a church even have borders? Let's see about shutting down some castles and getting into a few floors of an office building somewhere. Indianapolis is a nice, central location for a North American branch. I can start the search right now if you like.
"D. Keep The Good Stuff - Mass, for instance. Reconciliation. Marriage. All the sacraments, actually. But work on the music. It is Yawnsville. Let's think outside the confessional. I'll go first: Catholic Southern Gospel.
"Now, if I'm elected Pope, I know I'll have to follow certain traditions, such as changing my name. But I would like to break the cycle of all those antique names for something that might let the young folks know this is not their ancient ancestors' church ... so I'm thinking Bob. Pope Bob."
That's about it, I guess. I hope you don't think that by joking around a little I'm being sacrilegious. I'm not. I love the church and I love being Catholic. I just think a new pope, elected not in a time of grief but in one of anticipation, could bring great and positive change to the church and the world, and maybe usher us into an era where the power of churches, all kinds of churches, is in the way they serve their flocks and not the other way around.
Which gets me back to that papal name thing again. I know it's not going to happen anytime soon - in fact, as it stands, I really DO have a better chance of becoming Pope than this - but I think it would be exceptionally cool to someday have a Pope Mary.
© 2013 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
May 17, 2013
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
May 17, 2013
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
On April 27, Dr. Jeff Butts demonstrated a rare form of servant leadership as he participated in the Go Love Indy westside service project.
May 13, 2013
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
May 13, 2013
Someone had to take the fall for President Barack Obama thoughtlessly drawing a “red line” threatening serious consequences if Syria used chemical weapons. It turns out that it is the president himself.
May 13, 2013
There were other issues that had potentially greater financial impact or will leave a more resolute imprint on people’s lives, such as Medicaid expansion and Common Core.
May 13, 2013
It happens every year at this time; I make a little dandelion whine. So here goes.
May 10, 2013
Follow me on Twitter
Will you be attending this year's Indy 500?
Tires
Telecommunications
Beauty Salons
Government
It’s a bleak scenario. A massive earthquake along the New Madrid fault kills or injures 60,000 people in Tennessee. A quarter of a million people are homeless.
May 19, 2013 3 Photos 3 Stories
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
When it comes to midsized family sedans, the Kia Optima ranks high on my list for its good looks, economy and value.
May 17, 2013 1 Photo
It’s a bleak scenario. A massive earthquake along the New Madrid fault kills or injures 60,000 people in Tennessee. A quarter of a million people are homeless.
May 19, 2013 3 Photos 3 Stories
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
Restaurants in avon
Tires in avon
Telecommunications in avon
Pizza Restaurants in avon
Beauty Salons in avon
Government in avon
Click for More
Powered by Local.com
Site Map
© 2013 Community Newspaper Holdings, Inc. · CNHI Classified Advertising Network · CNHI News Service
Associated Press content © 2013. All rights reserved. AP content may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
Our site is powered by Zope. Some parts of our site may require you to download the Flash Player Plugin.
Privacy Policy | AP News Registry privacy policy
Terms and Conditions
Advertiser Index
Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN 8109 Kingston St., Suite 500 Avon, IN 46123