One of the life lessons I am slow to process in these, my "experienced" years, is that I simply cannot eat the way I did when I was younger.
Oh, I can still use a fork and knife and all that, but what I can use them on is another matter entirely. The cast-iron constitution of my youth, those heady days of foot-long hot dogs, giant pepperoni pizzas, and peanut-butter-and-dill-pickle sandwiches, has given way to a digestive system that has become - to use a word that has been applied to me a grand total of Oh, Never - delicate. And to add a word that has been applied to me a grand total of Too Many Times To Count, cranky.
Let me give you an example.
The other night, I ordered the evening meal at the drive up window of a certain "restaurant" with a name that evokes a place where kings and queens live. It rhymes with Slight Hassle.
Yes. I bought a bag of sliders. Gut bombs. Depth charges.
I was going to say I did this against my better judgment, but who are we kidding? I don't have any better judgment. What the heck. It seemed like a fun thing to do.
Soon I was sitting at the dining room table, my loyal dog Cookie at my side. And no, I did not share. While I usually give Cookie a taste of whatever I'm having, I know better than to let her have Whi ... I mean, Slight Hassles. She's a gassy dog to begin with. Sliders mixed with regular doggy air biscuits would be disastrous.
Several hours later I was awakened from a sound sleep by a sensation that we can charitably describe as "uncomfortable." Or maybe it would be more accurate to say "overinflated." I felt like I'd swallowed the Hindenburg.
I was sweaty and clammy, unsteady. My insides rumbled ominously. Oh, the humanity.
I sat up, clicked on the light, and looked around the room. There, staring at me over the end of the bed, was Cookie. She looked resentful. And I think I know why.
It seems Cookie is not the only gassy one in the family. Evidently I had been making quite a negative contribution to air quality.
Cookie looked daggers at me for a second more and then went downstairs to sleep, or at least breathe easier.
Well, you don't have to be Einstein to figure it out. If something you eat - something that never used to bother you, gastrointestinally speaking - makes you so spectacularly windy that it chases the dog out of the room, you probably shouldn't be eating it. Ever again.
All right, so ... lesson learned, which is a good thing, although it might not seem that way to Cookie.
And what is the lesson?
To begin with, just because a person is of a certain age doesn't mean he can't still learn, or that he can't change in order to accommodate a new reality.
But maybe the larger picture tells us that refusing to act your age can have consequences. Better to let the past be the fondly-remembered past while you live in the present. Or, to put it another way, skip the sliders, enjoy a nice age-appropriate salad, and remain in the dog's good graces. That doesn't seem so difficult.
Apparently, it is not enough to tolerate, accept, or even endorse the gay agenda. Now, unless you tolerate and accept criminal behavior committed by gays, you are a hater.
Believe it — that is the very public argument being made in behalf of Florida high school cheerleader Kaitlyn Hunt, 18, who faces criminal charges for having sex with a 14-year-old girl.
Word on the street and in the media is that it will be a really bad summer for mosquitoes. Or should I say, it will be a really bad summer for humans, because it will be a great year for thirsty mosquitoes.
When Barack Obama announced his presidential campaign back in February 2007, he did it in front of the old Springfield, Ill., Statehouse in a speech full of references to Abraham Lincoln.
Ordinarily I don’t take requests, but a bunch of people have written to ask how I’m doing with my weight-loss surgery and I thought this might be the most efficient way to answer.
I am a grandmother who went to the Brownsburg graduation ceremony on June 7 and due to very poor planning on Brownsburg School’s part, I could not sit and watch my twin grandsons graduate in person. I was directed to an overflow room where I had to watch it on a TV screen and could not even take pictures.
What you are now hearing across the land is a collective whine. Blue-state Democrats are upset that Texas Gov. Rick Perry dares come and play in their sandboxes, and worse, threatens to “poach” jobs from their states.
The website Politico reports that Perry’s attempts to lure jobs to Texas are “infuriating to prominent Democrats around the country.”
I am the first to admit I am behind the times when it comes to technology. I remember way back in the olden days of the 1990s when I was actually ahead of the game. Now there are second-graders that are more tech savvy than me. I just decided to stop my forward technological progression a few years back.
College graduates facing a crushing debt – some more than $100,000 – is a very big and a very real problem.
But U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s recent proposal to deal with it won’t solve the problem. It is a cheap ploy to divert attention from the real problem.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
Commentary
Discussion
Some things get better with age ... and some don't
By Mike Redmond CNHI
One of the life lessons I am slow to process in these, my "experienced" years, is that I simply cannot eat the way I did when I was younger.
Oh, I can still use a fork and knife and all that, but what I can use them on is another matter entirely. The cast-iron constitution of my youth, those heady days of foot-long hot dogs, giant pepperoni pizzas, and peanut-butter-and-dill-pickle sandwiches, has given way to a digestive system that has become - to use a word that has been applied to me a grand total of Oh, Never - delicate. And to add a word that has been applied to me a grand total of Too Many Times To Count, cranky.
Let me give you an example.
The other night, I ordered the evening meal at the drive up window of a certain "restaurant" with a name that evokes a place where kings and queens live. It rhymes with Slight Hassle.
Yes. I bought a bag of sliders. Gut bombs. Depth charges.
I was going to say I did this against my better judgment, but who are we kidding? I don't have any better judgment. What the heck. It seemed like a fun thing to do.
Soon I was sitting at the dining room table, my loyal dog Cookie at my side. And no, I did not share. While I usually give Cookie a taste of whatever I'm having, I know better than to let her have Whi ... I mean, Slight Hassles. She's a gassy dog to begin with. Sliders mixed with regular doggy air biscuits would be disastrous.
Several hours later I was awakened from a sound sleep by a sensation that we can charitably describe as "uncomfortable." Or maybe it would be more accurate to say "overinflated." I felt like I'd swallowed the Hindenburg.
I was sweaty and clammy, unsteady. My insides rumbled ominously. Oh, the humanity.
I sat up, clicked on the light, and looked around the room. There, staring at me over the end of the bed, was Cookie. She looked resentful. And I think I know why.
It seems Cookie is not the only gassy one in the family. Evidently I had been making quite a negative contribution to air quality.
Cookie looked daggers at me for a second more and then went downstairs to sleep, or at least breathe easier.
Well, you don't have to be Einstein to figure it out. If something you eat - something that never used to bother you, gastrointestinally speaking - makes you so spectacularly windy that it chases the dog out of the room, you probably shouldn't be eating it. Ever again.
All right, so ... lesson learned, which is a good thing, although it might not seem that way to Cookie.
And what is the lesson?
To begin with, just because a person is of a certain age doesn't mean he can't still learn, or that he can't change in order to accommodate a new reality.
But maybe the larger picture tells us that refusing to act your age can have consequences. Better to let the past be the fondly-remembered past while you live in the present. Or, to put it another way, skip the sliders, enjoy a nice age-appropriate salad, and remain in the dog's good graces. That doesn't seem so difficult.
I believe it would only be a Slight Hassle.
2012 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
Will the current V.A. backlog on veterans’ compensation claims be the next scandal to hit the administration?
Currently, the backlog is at 865,000 plus compensation claims with a wait time of greater than 125 days.
June 18, 2013
Apparently, it is not enough to tolerate, accept, or even endorse the gay agenda. Now, unless you tolerate and accept criminal behavior committed by gays, you are a hater.
Believe it — that is the very public argument being made in behalf of Florida high school cheerleader Kaitlyn Hunt, 18, who faces criminal charges for having sex with a 14-year-old girl.
June 18, 2013
Word on the street and in the media is that it will be a really bad summer for mosquitoes. Or should I say, it will be a really bad summer for humans, because it will be a great year for thirsty mosquitoes.
June 14, 2013
As a Christian, I feel compelled to respond to a recent letter to the editor.
June 14, 2013
When Barack Obama announced his presidential campaign back in February 2007, he did it in front of the old Springfield, Ill., Statehouse in a speech full of references to Abraham Lincoln.
June 14, 2013
Ordinarily I don’t take requests, but a bunch of people have written to ask how I’m doing with my weight-loss surgery and I thought this might be the most efficient way to answer.
June 11, 2013
I am a grandmother who went to the Brownsburg graduation ceremony on June 7 and due to very poor planning on Brownsburg School’s part, I could not sit and watch my twin grandsons graduate in person. I was directed to an overflow room where I had to watch it on a TV screen and could not even take pictures.
June 11, 2013
What you are now hearing across the land is a collective whine. Blue-state Democrats are upset that Texas Gov. Rick Perry dares come and play in their sandboxes, and worse, threatens to “poach” jobs from their states.
The website Politico reports that Perry’s attempts to lure jobs to Texas are “infuriating to prominent Democrats around the country.”
June 11, 2013
I am the first to admit I am behind the times when it comes to technology. I remember way back in the olden days of the 1990s when I was actually ahead of the game. Now there are second-graders that are more tech savvy than me. I just decided to stop my forward technological progression a few years back.
June 7, 2013
College graduates facing a crushing debt – some more than $100,000 – is a very big and a very real problem.
But U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s recent proposal to deal with it won’t solve the problem. It is a cheap ploy to divert attention from the real problem.
June 7, 2013
Follow me on Twitter
Is Eric Snowden a traitor or patriot?
Tires
Telecommunications
Beauty Salons
Government
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
General Keith Alexander says two recently disclosed surveillance programs on international communications are critical in the terrorism fight.
June 18, 2013 1 Photo
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