I recently played host to a large group of people (that’s “large” as in “herd”) who came to town to partake of my legendary open door policy. In other words, they needed a place to crash and I had room.
The visit served to remind me that I have no future in the hospitality industry.
I simply am not cut out for turning my abode over to strange people. And yes, I mean strange. I should know. I’m related to them.
I’m talking days on end of people wandering around the house all hours of the day and night in various states of dress, alarming the dog, terrifying the cat, playing havoc with the schedule, monopolizing the bathroom, rummaging around the kitchen, and commandeering my television set.
You know what? I think people don’t really know how to be guests anymore.
Let’s take breakfast. Getting a herd of people breakfasted and out the door is incredibly difficult when they seem to have forgotten that you live in a house, not a diner.
Example: One morning I thought it would be nice to make pancakes. I make a pretty good pancake, if I do say so myself. They also seemed the most efficient way to get everyone well-fed and ready for the day.
No such luck. You see, Ellie doesn’t like pancakes. Joanie doesn’t like pancakes unless they have blueberries in them. Frank prefers waffles. Richard never has anything but oatmeal in the morning. Dave (who is always on the lookout for new diseases so he can disprove that quack doctor who keeps saying he’s healthy) believes himself to be allergic to wheat, although he hasn’t been, and doesn’t plan to be, tested. And Marilyn just wants some juice.
Oh well. They can have coffee while I figure this out. Except that Ellie takes half-caf. Joanie’s a decaf person. Frank likes full-strength but only from Colombia. Richard likes a balance of half half-caf, half full strength. Dave thinks he’s lactose intolerant so he wants soy milk in his. Marilyn drinks tea.
Anyone for bacon? Well, at least they all agree on that one. No. But would I have any of that good sausage I had last time?
Weird. I can remember when herds of us would descend on Grandma and Grandpa McKenzie’s house. Breakfast would find a dozen or so people around the table, eating exactly the same thing: Bacon, eggs fried in the bacon grease, and toast. Orange juice for everyone. Coffee for grownups, milk for kids. And not a soul complained.
For one thing, it was good food. For another, you just didn’t DO that sort of thing. You were a guest. You minded your manners and tried not to make demands of your grandparents, lest your mother reach over and smack you one.
I’m glad people feel comfortable in my home, I really am, but come on. You want pancakes with blueberries? Make them at your house. Around here, the pancakes are plain and if you don’t like it, you can go to LePeep. Which is actually what everybody ended up doing, at my suggestion.
Hey, I guess that makes me a concierge. Maybe I have a future in hospitality after all. I’m going to have to rework that open-door policy, though. How’s this:
I have an open door. You’re free to leave at any time. PLEASE.
Friends, there is a danger hiding in practically every home, office and school. It masquerades as a harmless office supply but in reality, it has the ability to make people mentally unstable, disable a school system, and virtually bring a small town to its knees. It's known as (cue scary music), the post-it note.
As a resident of Plainfield and frequent walker on our excellent trail system, I have often wondered what the laws are concerning the marked pedestrian crosswalks throughout town. So I talked to the Plainfield Police Department.
Mitt Romney went into the wrong line of work. If only he had been a lecturer in constitutional law, he wouldn't have a business record vulnerable to distortion by a desperate incumbent president.
Now that the Obama administration has officially sided with corrupting man-wife marriage to also mean two men or two women, it's time for Christians to reflect on what's going on in the culture. To be sure, the measure must pass certain hurdles to be the secular law of the land. And, if the Republican candidate wins come November, there may be a further delay in its implementation. But don't count on it.
I'm back from a few shows at the security theater.
I slogged my way through four airports this past month, and played my interactive role in that daily, multi-billion-dollar production brought to us by the federal government with the colossally misleading name of "airline security."
President Barack Obama insists that he didn't announce his support for gay marriage out of political considerations. He's right. He did it out of self-regard.
Is that smoke? I think I smell something burning. Something is definitely scorched. Did someone just burn a ham or did Patricia Krentcil, a.k.a. "tanning mom" just walk into the room?
U.S. Sen. Dick Lugar - vanquished by age, longevity, barrel bottom congressional approval ratings, and an aggressive opponent in Treasurer Richard Mourdock - seemed to be bridging a divided party when he took the stage shortly after 8 p.m. Tuesday as the magnitude of the 61 percent to 39 percent landslide against him registered.
The Cleveland Five are a sad-sack collection of wannabe terrorists if there ever was one. The amateurish young men who plotted to destroy a bridge outside Cleveland last week give the impression of needing the attention of a guidance counselor as much as a federal prosecutor.
Human remains may be embedded in the mud of the North Atlantic where the New York-bound Titanic came to rest when it sank 100 years ago, a federal official said.
Commentary
Welcome, guests; Goodbye, sanity
By Mike Redmond
I recently played host to a large group of people (that’s “large” as in “herd”) who came to town to partake of my legendary open door policy. In other words, they needed a place to crash and I had room.
The visit served to remind me that I have no future in the hospitality industry.
I simply am not cut out for turning my abode over to strange people. And yes, I mean strange. I should know. I’m related to them.
I’m talking days on end of people wandering around the house all hours of the day and night in various states of dress, alarming the dog, terrifying the cat, playing havoc with the schedule, monopolizing the bathroom, rummaging around the kitchen, and commandeering my television set.
You know what? I think people don’t really know how to be guests anymore.
Let’s take breakfast. Getting a herd of people breakfasted and out the door is incredibly difficult when they seem to have forgotten that you live in a house, not a diner.
Example: One morning I thought it would be nice to make pancakes. I make a pretty good pancake, if I do say so myself. They also seemed the most efficient way to get everyone well-fed and ready for the day.
No such luck. You see, Ellie doesn’t like pancakes. Joanie doesn’t like pancakes unless they have blueberries in them. Frank prefers waffles. Richard never has anything but oatmeal in the morning. Dave (who is always on the lookout for new diseases so he can disprove that quack doctor who keeps saying he’s healthy) believes himself to be allergic to wheat, although he hasn’t been, and doesn’t plan to be, tested. And Marilyn just wants some juice.
Oh well. They can have coffee while I figure this out. Except that Ellie takes half-caf. Joanie’s a decaf person. Frank likes full-strength but only from Colombia. Richard likes a balance of half half-caf, half full strength. Dave thinks he’s lactose intolerant so he wants soy milk in his. Marilyn drinks tea.
Anyone for bacon? Well, at least they all agree on that one. No. But would I have any of that good sausage I had last time?
Weird. I can remember when herds of us would descend on Grandma and Grandpa McKenzie’s house. Breakfast would find a dozen or so people around the table, eating exactly the same thing: Bacon, eggs fried in the bacon grease, and toast. Orange juice for everyone. Coffee for grownups, milk for kids. And not a soul complained.
For one thing, it was good food. For another, you just didn’t DO that sort of thing. You were a guest. You minded your manners and tried not to make demands of your grandparents, lest your mother reach over and smack you one.
I’m glad people feel comfortable in my home, I really am, but come on. You want pancakes with blueberries? Make them at your house. Around here, the pancakes are plain and if you don’t like it, you can go to LePeep. Which is actually what everybody ended up doing, at my suggestion.
Hey, I guess that makes me a concierge. Maybe I have a future in hospitality after all. I’m going to have to rework that open-door policy, though. How’s this:
I have an open door. You’re free to leave at any time. PLEASE.
© 2009 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
Friends, there is a danger hiding in practically every home, office and school. It masquerades as a harmless office supply but in reality, it has the ability to make people mentally unstable, disable a school system, and virtually bring a small town to its knees. It's known as (cue scary music), the post-it note.
May 18, 2012
As a resident of Plainfield and frequent walker on our excellent trail system, I have often wondered what the laws are concerning the marked pedestrian crosswalks throughout town. So I talked to the Plainfield Police Department.
May 18, 2012
Mitt Romney went into the wrong line of work. If only he had been a lecturer in constitutional law, he wouldn't have a business record vulnerable to distortion by a desperate incumbent president.
May 18, 2012
And now, hold on to your hats because it's time for ...
Dentists In The News!
May 15, 2012
Now that the Obama administration has officially sided with corrupting man-wife marriage to also mean two men or two women, it's time for Christians to reflect on what's going on in the culture. To be sure, the measure must pass certain hurdles to be the secular law of the land. And, if the Republican candidate wins come November, there may be a further delay in its implementation. But don't count on it.
May 15, 2012
I'm back from a few shows at the security theater.
I slogged my way through four airports this past month, and played my interactive role in that daily, multi-billion-dollar production brought to us by the federal government with the colossally misleading name of "airline security."
May 14, 2012
President Barack Obama insists that he didn't announce his support for gay marriage out of political considerations. He's right. He did it out of self-regard.
May 14, 2012
Is that smoke? I think I smell something burning. Something is definitely scorched. Did someone just burn a ham or did Patricia Krentcil, a.k.a. "tanning mom" just walk into the room?
May 11, 2012
U.S. Sen. Dick Lugar - vanquished by age, longevity, barrel bottom congressional approval ratings, and an aggressive opponent in Treasurer Richard Mourdock - seemed to be bridging a divided party when he took the stage shortly after 8 p.m. Tuesday as the magnitude of the 61 percent to 39 percent landslide against him registered.
May 11, 2012
The Cleveland Five are a sad-sack collection of wannabe terrorists if there ever was one. The amateurish young men who plotted to destroy a bridge outside Cleveland last week give the impression of needing the attention of a guidance counselor as much as a federal prosecutor.
May 11, 2012
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Would you support a same-sex marriage amendment in Indiana?
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Human remains may be embedded in the mud of the North Atlantic where the New York-bound Titanic came to rest when it sank 100 years ago, a federal official said.
April 16, 2012 3 Photos 3 Stories
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