Lately I've noticed a disturbing trend in major motion pictures. No, I don't mean the extreme violence that is no doubt destroying the cerebral cortex of all who view them, making them do strange and disturbing things. No, I am not referring to the super hero movies that are no doubt destroying their Amygdala making viewers do strange and disturbing things. No, I don't mean found footage movies that are no doubt destroying viewer's hippocampus.
I don't know what a hippocampus is. It sounds like a college for large animals, but I am assured by many medical specialists that it is an integral part of the brain, and these movies are turning it to into apricot jelly.
And I don't mean "Twilight" knock-offs, although Lord knows the originals were bad enough to make all the vital organs in the body just want to simultaneously shut down.
I'm talking about the knock-down, drag-out, shoot 'em up, yippie-ki-yay revamping of children's fairy tales.
Take for example, "Hansel and Gretel-Witch Hunters." We all know the story of "Hansel & Gretel." Understandably, the pair is a little off-kilter after their harrowing experience. But in this version of the story, they grow up with a hunger for vengeance and become witch bounty hunters, blowing away witches and kicking evil butt. Yippie-ki-yay.
Next up: "Jack the Giant Slayer," the retelling of "Jack and the Beanstalk." I never liked the original story. Even as a kid, Jack kind of seemed like an idiot to me. But in this version, Jack doesn't just pick up a couple of trinkets on his journey; he resurrects an ancient war between humans and giants. Time to kick some evil giant butt; yippie-ki-yay.
Finally, we have "Snow White and the Huntsman." In this delightful tale, when he comes to kill her, Snow aligns herself with the huntsman and then they head out to kick some ... well, I think you get the general idea by now.
I have to tell you, the original versions of these fairy tales are disturbing enough for a small child. The witch fattens up the kids so she can eat them? The wicked queen wants the huntsman to bring back Snow White's heart? Jack is an idiot? It's a little much for a kid to take on.
Sometimes I think we expect our little ones to take on too much. Just because it's written in a book and labeled as a children's story, doesn't mean we should tell our kids the story. Madonna wrote a children's book, for crying out loud, so pretty much anything goes in that industry. Not all stories are for kids.
Here's a fine example. Once when my mother was away, Dad took on the chore of bed time stories. Instead of our usual "The Three Bears," Dad proceeded to tell a story about three kids whose mother died. I don't remember the entire gist of the story, but I remember the ending had something to do with the dead mother jumping up and screaming, "Yes!" which made Dad howl with laughter when we jumped and screamed, but traumatized me until I ended up writing weird commentary articles in the local paper. I think Dad must have been told some twisted fairy tales when he was a kid.
The point is that fairy tales are bad enough as they are. In fact, if you do a little research on the origins of these stories, they started out much worse. They weren't even written for children, but instead, began as wicked stories written in the dark ages and were far darker than the versions we now know. So if movie studios want to make a new, kick-butt version of the tales, they might want to check out the originals. They make the new versions look like ... well, fairy tales.
I would elaborate, but I saw the several found footage movies, so my brain now resembles apricot jelly.
Yippie-ki-yay.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and author of the book "What's the Point," available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
Now that Obama has had the reins for over four years and is running amok destroying our nation, I am still confused why he was voted in for the second time.
President Barack Obama believes in the public sector. He thinks it should be made ever more expansive and entrusted with ever more complicated tasks. Its unions should be powerful. It should be hailed by all the great and good, and attract the nation’s best and brightest.
I am writing this letter to thank and to acknowledge the great and swift job that the Wayne Township Fire Department did, as well as the ambulance, in responding to a medical emergency in our household on May 15.
It is worth mentioning that more Americans were killed by the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, last Sept. 11, than were killed by the recent terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
Grilling is a simple way to feed your family well this summer. Start with a lean meat and a healthful marinade and then allow the grill to strip away additional fat for a heart-healthy and waist-friendly final result. Plus, grilling caramelizes the natural sugars in foods, which adds flavor without additional calories and fat.
Commentary
Discussion
Once upon a time, at the movies ...
By Rebecca Todd CNHI
Lately I've noticed a disturbing trend in major motion pictures. No, I don't mean the extreme violence that is no doubt destroying the cerebral cortex of all who view them, making them do strange and disturbing things. No, I am not referring to the super hero movies that are no doubt destroying their Amygdala making viewers do strange and disturbing things. No, I don't mean found footage movies that are no doubt destroying viewer's hippocampus.
I don't know what a hippocampus is. It sounds like a college for large animals, but I am assured by many medical specialists that it is an integral part of the brain, and these movies are turning it to into apricot jelly.
And I don't mean "Twilight" knock-offs, although Lord knows the originals were bad enough to make all the vital organs in the body just want to simultaneously shut down.
I'm talking about the knock-down, drag-out, shoot 'em up, yippie-ki-yay revamping of children's fairy tales.
Take for example, "Hansel and Gretel-Witch Hunters." We all know the story of "Hansel & Gretel." Understandably, the pair is a little off-kilter after their harrowing experience. But in this version of the story, they grow up with a hunger for vengeance and become witch bounty hunters, blowing away witches and kicking evil butt. Yippie-ki-yay.
Next up: "Jack the Giant Slayer," the retelling of "Jack and the Beanstalk." I never liked the original story. Even as a kid, Jack kind of seemed like an idiot to me. But in this version, Jack doesn't just pick up a couple of trinkets on his journey; he resurrects an ancient war between humans and giants. Time to kick some evil giant butt; yippie-ki-yay.
Finally, we have "Snow White and the Huntsman." In this delightful tale, when he comes to kill her, Snow aligns herself with the huntsman and then they head out to kick some ... well, I think you get the general idea by now.
I have to tell you, the original versions of these fairy tales are disturbing enough for a small child. The witch fattens up the kids so she can eat them? The wicked queen wants the huntsman to bring back Snow White's heart? Jack is an idiot? It's a little much for a kid to take on.
Sometimes I think we expect our little ones to take on too much. Just because it's written in a book and labeled as a children's story, doesn't mean we should tell our kids the story. Madonna wrote a children's book, for crying out loud, so pretty much anything goes in that industry. Not all stories are for kids.
Here's a fine example. Once when my mother was away, Dad took on the chore of bed time stories. Instead of our usual "The Three Bears," Dad proceeded to tell a story about three kids whose mother died. I don't remember the entire gist of the story, but I remember the ending had something to do with the dead mother jumping up and screaming, "Yes!" which made Dad howl with laughter when we jumped and screamed, but traumatized me until I ended up writing weird commentary articles in the local paper. I think Dad must have been told some twisted fairy tales when he was a kid.
The point is that fairy tales are bad enough as they are. In fact, if you do a little research on the origins of these stories, they started out much worse. They weren't even written for children, but instead, began as wicked stories written in the dark ages and were far darker than the versions we now know. So if movie studios want to make a new, kick-butt version of the tales, they might want to check out the originals. They make the new versions look like ... well, fairy tales.
I would elaborate, but I saw the several found footage movies, so my brain now resembles apricot jelly.
Yippie-ki-yay.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and author of the book "What's the Point," available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
Every year you hear people saying, “If only it would get cold enough and snow enough in the winter. Then we wouldn’t have so many bugs.”
May 24, 2013
Democrats do not live the way they vote.
Now that Obama has had the reins for over four years and is running amok destroying our nation, I am still confused why he was voted in for the second time.
May 24, 2013
President Barack Obama believes in the public sector. He thinks it should be made ever more expansive and entrusted with ever more complicated tasks. Its unions should be powerful. It should be hailed by all the great and good, and attract the nation’s best and brightest.
May 24, 2013
I am writing this letter to thank and to acknowledge the great and swift job that the Wayne Township Fire Department did, as well as the ambulance, in responding to a medical emergency in our household on May 15.
May 23, 2013
It is worth mentioning that more Americans were killed by the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, last Sept. 11, than were killed by the recent terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon.
May 23, 2013
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
May 21, 2013
Mr. President, the buck stops with you.
President Truman set that standard, with these very words posted on a sign on his Oval Office desk.
But now, with over a thousand days left in this second Obama administration, we find a Nixonian stench emerging from the “W. House.”
May 21, 2013
Rarely has the White House briefing room so resembled the main ballroom at a meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
May 21, 2013
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
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Tires
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An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
Grilling is a simple way to feed your family well this summer. Start with a lean meat and a healthful marinade and then allow the grill to strip away additional fat for a heart-healthy and waist-friendly final result. Plus, grilling caramelizes the natural sugars in foods, which adds flavor without additional calories and fat.
May 24, 2013 1 Photo
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