By Rebecca Todd
The Hendricks County Flyer
Fri Jan 11, 2013, 03:50 PM EST
Due to the overwhelming popularity of my famous game show "App or No App" - that's right, I actually had one e-mail from someone who kind of liked it, but he probably just hadn't taken his medication - I have decided to do a spin-off game show! I know. It's pretty exciting, isn't it? And you get to be here for the premier!
In honor of App or No App's one and only fan, it's time for (drum roll), "Pill or No Pill!"
This is actually not really a new game. Pharmaceutical companies sometimes play it when they develop a new drug. Although they usually just watch old Star Trek reruns. That's the only way to explain their fondness for x, q, and z.
You laugh, but that is actually quite close to the truth. Pharmaceutical consultants, as they are called, don't depend on science to name these drugs. They try to convey what the drug does through the name. So they are like drug poets.
Also, they claim that those x's and z's they are so fond of "express power and control," so they try to use them as much as possible to show how powerful the drug is. Then they have the arduous task of researching to make sure no other drug has the same name or a name close to it. For all of this, they are paid $200,000 to $500,000 per product. Seriously. Just for the name. Then they pass the cost for the expensive name on to the elderly and infirmed who can't even afford the price of the drugs they are told they need.
But you don't want to hear me rant and rave about the evils of the pharmaceutical industry. We are here to have fun! So let's play (you're going to have to give me another drum roll), Pill or No Pill!
Our first over-priced drug with hideous side effects is Kixeva. So tell me, do you think this is a drug to treat the HIV virus or a green alien chick from the original Star Trek series? Yell it out! Pill or No Pill?
It's a drug, and I sincerely hope it helps because the list of side effects reads like a horror novel. Incidentally, the original green alien chick was named Marta; a name far too boring to be used for a drug.
Next up is Zobral. Is this a drug used to treat depression or was it a rebellion leader on the planet Toroth? Yell it out! Pill or No Pill?
This is a tricky one. It's an alien rebellion leader. However, change the "b" to a "t" and you have an antidepressant.
The last one is Droxine. Is this a drug used to treat hyperthyroidism or was it an alien woman from the planet Ardana? Take your time. No fair looking it up. Now yell it out! Pill or No Pill?
Ha. Got ya. It's both. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Now imagine playing the game for real and winning $200,000 to $500,000 every time you get it right. That's a game show too rich for Howie Mandel to host.
Think about that the next time you pick up a prescription.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at email@example.com.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
May 21, 2013
Mr. President, the buck stops with you.
President Truman set that standard, with these very words posted on a sign on his Oval Office desk.
But now, with over a thousand days left in this second Obama administration, we find a Nixonian stench emerging from the “W. House.”
Rarely has the White House briefing room so resembled the main ballroom at a meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
On April 27, Dr. Jeff Butts demonstrated a rare form of servant leadership as he participated in the Go Love Indy westside service project.
May 13, 2013
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs Part V: The Big One
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