Last week, this conscientious reporter wrote a diligently researched, highly scientific, fact-based article on Bowser Beer and Doggie Thongs. I concluded that these ideas and those who purchase them are ... well ... moronic. This brought an inevitable round of hate mail from doggie-lovers who concluded that I must be an animal-hater who probably kicks cats and punches puppies for fun. My dog A.J. is sitting here chuckling as she reads this.
Just kidding. She's a dog. She's currently occupied with shifting between sniffing a pile of something vile and rolling around in something rank in the yard.
So this week I thought I would write about dogs again. This time it's not the dogs you dress up in little tutus. It's the dogs you eat. And although this story is much more disgusting, I'll bet no one complains.
On the Fourth of July each year, the Nathan's International Hot Dog Eating Contest is held on Coney Island. It's sort of an homage to gluttony. This year Joey Chestnut took the $10,000 prize for eating 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes.
Kind of makes you want to puke just thinking about it, doesn't it? It's much worse if you see the video. The contestants actually poke the hot dog down their throats then dunk the bun in water and cram it in after. I'd rather watch lions rip a giraffe apart on Animal Planet or worse, an episode of "Jersey Shore."
What's up with the giraffe anyway? The poor things are built for misery. They can't possibly be comfortable, and they're built for failure. At their fastest, they can run only 35 mph, but only for short spurts and they're very clumsy. Lions on the other hand can travel up to 50 mph at a sustained speed. That's just not fair.
What does that have to do with hot dogs? Nothing. I just feel strongly about the plight of the giraffe. See? I like animals.
So let's examine the Nathan's hot dog. Nutrition facts from the label say each dog contains 309 calories, 20.1 grams of fat, and 684 milligrams of sodium. Ouch. Now take that times 68. That's ... that's ... that's not good. You do the math, because I can't find my calculator. One of those suckers could at least shut down a minor artery or block an intestine. And do you want to talk about how they're made? No, I know you don't, because there are too many animal lovers out there and I would never, ever put them through that.
Found it: 68 hot dogs equals: 21,012 calories, 1366.9 grams of fat, and 46,512 milligrams of sodium. Which can probably be converted to grams, but you do the math, because I don't want to. And then add in the bun. This boy is destined for heart failure.
So here's where we are: My dog needs a bath, and I promise I will promptly make my daughter do it when she gets home from vacation. Giraffes are badly formed and I feel sorry for them. The cast of "Jersey Shore" needs to become extinct. Hot dogs are just mistreated animals and Joey Chestnut needs a heart transplant stat.
Point blank, I care about animals, even Joey Chestnut. PETA: Call off the dogs.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com and Barnes and Noble. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
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It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
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Storm victims were pulled from the rubble and residents began surveying the damage late Monday and early Tuesday in the Oklahoma City suburb of Moore, where a powerful tornado destroyed entire neighborhoods and left dozens dead.
Commentary
Discussion
Call off the dogs
By Rebecca Todd CNHI
Last week, this conscientious reporter wrote a diligently researched, highly scientific, fact-based article on Bowser Beer and Doggie Thongs. I concluded that these ideas and those who purchase them are ... well ... moronic. This brought an inevitable round of hate mail from doggie-lovers who concluded that I must be an animal-hater who probably kicks cats and punches puppies for fun. My dog A.J. is sitting here chuckling as she reads this.
Just kidding. She's a dog. She's currently occupied with shifting between sniffing a pile of something vile and rolling around in something rank in the yard.
So this week I thought I would write about dogs again. This time it's not the dogs you dress up in little tutus. It's the dogs you eat. And although this story is much more disgusting, I'll bet no one complains.
On the Fourth of July each year, the Nathan's International Hot Dog Eating Contest is held on Coney Island. It's sort of an homage to gluttony. This year Joey Chestnut took the $10,000 prize for eating 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes.
Kind of makes you want to puke just thinking about it, doesn't it? It's much worse if you see the video. The contestants actually poke the hot dog down their throats then dunk the bun in water and cram it in after. I'd rather watch lions rip a giraffe apart on Animal Planet or worse, an episode of "Jersey Shore."
What's up with the giraffe anyway? The poor things are built for misery. They can't possibly be comfortable, and they're built for failure. At their fastest, they can run only 35 mph, but only for short spurts and they're very clumsy. Lions on the other hand can travel up to 50 mph at a sustained speed. That's just not fair.
What does that have to do with hot dogs? Nothing. I just feel strongly about the plight of the giraffe. See? I like animals.
So let's examine the Nathan's hot dog. Nutrition facts from the label say each dog contains 309 calories, 20.1 grams of fat, and 684 milligrams of sodium. Ouch. Now take that times 68. That's ... that's ... that's not good. You do the math, because I can't find my calculator. One of those suckers could at least shut down a minor artery or block an intestine. And do you want to talk about how they're made? No, I know you don't, because there are too many animal lovers out there and I would never, ever put them through that.
Found it: 68 hot dogs equals: 21,012 calories, 1366.9 grams of fat, and 46,512 milligrams of sodium. Which can probably be converted to grams, but you do the math, because I don't want to. And then add in the bun. This boy is destined for heart failure.
So here's where we are: My dog needs a bath, and I promise I will promptly make my daughter do it when she gets home from vacation. Giraffes are badly formed and I feel sorry for them. The cast of "Jersey Shore" needs to become extinct. Hot dogs are just mistreated animals and Joey Chestnut needs a heart transplant stat.
Point blank, I care about animals, even Joey Chestnut. PETA: Call off the dogs.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com and Barnes and Noble. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
May 21, 2013
Mr. President, the buck stops with you.
President Truman set that standard, with these very words posted on a sign on his Oval Office desk.
But now, with over a thousand days left in this second Obama administration, we find a Nixonian stench emerging from the “W. House.”
May 21, 2013
Rarely has the White House briefing room so resembled the main ballroom at a meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
May 21, 2013
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
May 17, 2013
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
May 17, 2013
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
On April 27, Dr. Jeff Butts demonstrated a rare form of servant leadership as he participated in the Go Love Indy westside service project.
May 13, 2013
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
May 13, 2013
Follow me on Twitter
Will you be attending this year's Indy 500?
Tires
Telecommunications
Beauty Salons
Government
May 21, 2013
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
When J.J. Abrams took over the "Star Trek" franchise in 2009, he boldly went where the series hadn't gone before — romantically — pairing Uhura with Spock. Many fans disliked the change. Some loved it. Others didn't care, because they just wanted to see Kirk and Spock make out.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
May 21, 2013
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
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