"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Einstein.
Einstein nailed it. Of course he did. He's Einstein. Although I'm sure he would be thrilled with my endorsement. But let's face it; it doesn't take Einstein to figure that one out. All it takes is a day working with the public or a trip to Walmart to realize that just when you think you've seen human stupidity at its most infinite height, someone steps up to knock it out of the park.
Case in point: let's take a trip to an American hospital and wander through the maternity ward. We're going to have to be really careful because security is extra tight in maternity wards, which is evidenced by the way one of my husband's friends was able to just waltz into the room seconds after I had given birth to my daughter; not that I'm bitter.
Here we are, spying on a happy couple as they beam down upon the little pink, precious bundle with which they have just been blessed. Then the proud mommy looks down at her newborn and says, "I'm going to name her Hashtag," at which point sirens go off and the authorities swoop in and take the baby before she can be further damaged by these morons.
At least, that's what I wish would happen. Alas, people are allowed to slap their children with any kind of made-up moniker they like, and Hashtag Jameson is a real person as far as I can tell. Trust me I searched in vain trying to prove that the story that went viral at the end of last year was not true. However, the more I read, the more I believe that people will name their child anything and nobody can stop them.
Is there no way we can stop little Hashtag from ending up on the playground with Like, Moo, Tequila, and Eh? (Yes, these are all real names. Fourteen girls in the United States were named Eh last year.) Is there no way we can stop parents from insuring that their children will be bullied in junior high? Is there no way to make them stop giving their children horrid names just so they can gain attention for themselves?
Should we somehow regulate baby names in the U.S.? China does it. They vetoed "@" as a name. Sweden does it. They vetoed "Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116" (pronounced "Albin"). New Zealand does it. Authorities there stopped a couple from naming their child "4real," but then the couple named the child Superman, which got through. Germany does it. A couple there actually wanted to name their child "Hitler." Enough said about that.
There's something to be said for freedom, but I'm thinking we could perhaps set some ground rules for baby naming in the U.S. At the very least, can we just put a stop to making up names and using unusual spellings? If only there was some way to regulate common sense. Considering the backlash against the parents of baby Hashtag on forums across the Internet, I think there are many other people who would be on board.
So many solutions to this problem are running through my mind, but I guarantee you that most of them would land me under investigation and all of them would guarantee nasty hate mail. So I'm just going to end with this plea: Parents, for the love of all that is holy, stop torturing your children with these hideous names. Give them at least a chance to make it out of junior high alive. It doesn't take Einstein to realize you'll be doing them a favor.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book, "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
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It’s a bleak scenario. A massive earthquake along the New Madrid fault kills or injures 60,000 people in Tennessee. A quarter of a million people are homeless.
Commentary
Discussion
Time to stop the name game
By Rebecca Todd CNHI
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Einstein.
Einstein nailed it. Of course he did. He's Einstein. Although I'm sure he would be thrilled with my endorsement. But let's face it; it doesn't take Einstein to figure that one out. All it takes is a day working with the public or a trip to Walmart to realize that just when you think you've seen human stupidity at its most infinite height, someone steps up to knock it out of the park.
Case in point: let's take a trip to an American hospital and wander through the maternity ward. We're going to have to be really careful because security is extra tight in maternity wards, which is evidenced by the way one of my husband's friends was able to just waltz into the room seconds after I had given birth to my daughter; not that I'm bitter.
Here we are, spying on a happy couple as they beam down upon the little pink, precious bundle with which they have just been blessed. Then the proud mommy looks down at her newborn and says, "I'm going to name her Hashtag," at which point sirens go off and the authorities swoop in and take the baby before she can be further damaged by these morons.
At least, that's what I wish would happen. Alas, people are allowed to slap their children with any kind of made-up moniker they like, and Hashtag Jameson is a real person as far as I can tell. Trust me I searched in vain trying to prove that the story that went viral at the end of last year was not true. However, the more I read, the more I believe that people will name their child anything and nobody can stop them.
Is there no way we can stop little Hashtag from ending up on the playground with Like, Moo, Tequila, and Eh? (Yes, these are all real names. Fourteen girls in the United States were named Eh last year.) Is there no way we can stop parents from insuring that their children will be bullied in junior high? Is there no way to make them stop giving their children horrid names just so they can gain attention for themselves?
Should we somehow regulate baby names in the U.S.? China does it. They vetoed "@" as a name. Sweden does it. They vetoed "Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116" (pronounced "Albin"). New Zealand does it. Authorities there stopped a couple from naming their child "4real," but then the couple named the child Superman, which got through. Germany does it. A couple there actually wanted to name their child "Hitler." Enough said about that.
There's something to be said for freedom, but I'm thinking we could perhaps set some ground rules for baby naming in the U.S. At the very least, can we just put a stop to making up names and using unusual spellings? If only there was some way to regulate common sense. Considering the backlash against the parents of baby Hashtag on forums across the Internet, I think there are many other people who would be on board.
So many solutions to this problem are running through my mind, but I guarantee you that most of them would land me under investigation and all of them would guarantee nasty hate mail. So I'm just going to end with this plea: Parents, for the love of all that is holy, stop torturing your children with these hideous names. Give them at least a chance to make it out of junior high alive. It doesn't take Einstein to realize you'll be doing them a favor.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book, "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
May 17, 2013
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
May 17, 2013
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
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May 13, 2013
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May 13, 2013
Someone had to take the fall for President Barack Obama thoughtlessly drawing a “red line” threatening serious consequences if Syria used chemical weapons. It turns out that it is the president himself.
May 13, 2013
There were other issues that had potentially greater financial impact or will leave a more resolute imprint on people’s lives, such as Medicaid expansion and Common Core.
May 13, 2013
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It’s a bleak scenario. A massive earthquake along the New Madrid fault kills or injures 60,000 people in Tennessee. A quarter of a million people are homeless.
May 19, 2013 3 Photos 3 Stories
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
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Part V: The Big One
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