Nothing annoys me more than a poorly written, peppy commercial jingle that has a tendency to get stuck in your head. Actually, a lot of things annoy me more, but I didn't want to bother you with a list where commercial jingles fall somewhere between cat pictures with captions like, "I iz cute!" and that little animated phlegm guy on the Mucinex commercials. So for the sake of this article, let's just say the jingles annoy me the most.
In fact, the jingles annoy me so much that I swore off Subway sandwiches several years ago when they started the "Five Dollar Foot Long" jingle. Also, I think their food is disgusting, with very little meat (that is tasteless anyway so it doesn't matter that much), slimy vegetables, too much mayonnaise and soggy bread. So in hindsight, it wasn't that hard to swear off of the stuff. But I digress.
It was the jingle that was the final straw. It repeats the phrase, "Five--Five Dollar--Five Dollar Foot-looooooong!" over and over for thirty seconds; just long enough for it to eat it's way into your brain so that 3 hours later while you're sitting at your desk trying to get some work done, you find yourself humming the peppy tune while you compulsively type, "Five-Five Dollar-Five Dollar Footlooooooong!" over and over and over. Then you stand like a zombie and slowly stagger down the road to the nearest Subway and order a slimy foot-long sandwich with approximately .5 ounces of tasteless meat and 6 ounces of mayonnaise.
So I guess you could say the commercial works. However, now Subway is under scrutiny because it seems those so-called "foot-longs" are not. A few weeks ago, an Australian teen measured his "foot-long" Subway sandwich and posted a picture online showing it to be only 11 inches long. The photo went viral, (Note: The phrase "going viral" also annoys me - it falls a little below the Mucinex guy on my list), and people across the country started measuring their Subway foot-longs. This being America, they did what Americans do and saw dollar signs. They filed lawsuits seeking damages over the missing inch. For example, one man in New Jersey is seeking nearly $5 million in damages. Apparently they called in several high level mathematicians to calculate a formula that ended with: 1 inch = $5 million. Either that or this is a case that proves eating too much mayonnaise and soggy bread can destroy your ability to think beyond the level of a moron.
Attorneys are hoping that all the cases being filed can be combined and taken to federal court. If you get a chance, go online and check out the other cases pending in federal court. It's fascinating.
Ha ha! I'm kidding, of course. The Subway case should fit in nicely with the rest them.
There is one good thing that may come out of all of this. Subway may be forced to stop calling their sandwiches foot-longs and may have to raise the price due to the hefty pay-out they may have to make for the lawsuits. That's good news for me because that would mean the end of the jingle.
Either that or I'm going to have to walk around with, "Six dollars - six dollars and fifty cents - six dollars and fifty cents for an 11 inch sandwiiiiiich," going through my head.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
Now that Obama has had the reins for over four years and is running amok destroying our nation, I am still confused why he was voted in for the second time.
President Barack Obama believes in the public sector. He thinks it should be made ever more expansive and entrusted with ever more complicated tasks. Its unions should be powerful. It should be hailed by all the great and good, and attract the nation’s best and brightest.
I am writing this letter to thank and to acknowledge the great and swift job that the Wayne Township Fire Department did, as well as the ambulance, in responding to a medical emergency in our household on May 15.
It is worth mentioning that more Americans were killed by the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, last Sept. 11, than were killed by the recent terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
Grilling is a simple way to feed your family well this summer. Start with a lean meat and a healthful marinade and then allow the grill to strip away additional fat for a heart-healthy and waist-friendly final result. Plus, grilling caramelizes the natural sugars in foods, which adds flavor without additional calories and fat.
Commentary
Discussion
This sandwich is sub-standard
By Rebecca Todd CNHI
Nothing annoys me more than a poorly written, peppy commercial jingle that has a tendency to get stuck in your head. Actually, a lot of things annoy me more, but I didn't want to bother you with a list where commercial jingles fall somewhere between cat pictures with captions like, "I iz cute!" and that little animated phlegm guy on the Mucinex commercials. So for the sake of this article, let's just say the jingles annoy me the most.
In fact, the jingles annoy me so much that I swore off Subway sandwiches several years ago when they started the "Five Dollar Foot Long" jingle. Also, I think their food is disgusting, with very little meat (that is tasteless anyway so it doesn't matter that much), slimy vegetables, too much mayonnaise and soggy bread. So in hindsight, it wasn't that hard to swear off of the stuff. But I digress.
It was the jingle that was the final straw. It repeats the phrase, "Five--Five Dollar--Five Dollar Foot-looooooong!" over and over for thirty seconds; just long enough for it to eat it's way into your brain so that 3 hours later while you're sitting at your desk trying to get some work done, you find yourself humming the peppy tune while you compulsively type, "Five-Five Dollar-Five Dollar Footlooooooong!" over and over and over. Then you stand like a zombie and slowly stagger down the road to the nearest Subway and order a slimy foot-long sandwich with approximately .5 ounces of tasteless meat and 6 ounces of mayonnaise.
So I guess you could say the commercial works. However, now Subway is under scrutiny because it seems those so-called "foot-longs" are not. A few weeks ago, an Australian teen measured his "foot-long" Subway sandwich and posted a picture online showing it to be only 11 inches long. The photo went viral, (Note: The phrase "going viral" also annoys me - it falls a little below the Mucinex guy on my list), and people across the country started measuring their Subway foot-longs. This being America, they did what Americans do and saw dollar signs. They filed lawsuits seeking damages over the missing inch. For example, one man in New Jersey is seeking nearly $5 million in damages. Apparently they called in several high level mathematicians to calculate a formula that ended with: 1 inch = $5 million. Either that or this is a case that proves eating too much mayonnaise and soggy bread can destroy your ability to think beyond the level of a moron.
Attorneys are hoping that all the cases being filed can be combined and taken to federal court. If you get a chance, go online and check out the other cases pending in federal court. It's fascinating.
Ha ha! I'm kidding, of course. The Subway case should fit in nicely with the rest them.
There is one good thing that may come out of all of this. Subway may be forced to stop calling their sandwiches foot-longs and may have to raise the price due to the hefty pay-out they may have to make for the lawsuits. That's good news for me because that would mean the end of the jingle.
Either that or I'm going to have to walk around with, "Six dollars - six dollars and fifty cents - six dollars and fifty cents for an 11 inch sandwiiiiiich," going through my head.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
Every year you hear people saying, “If only it would get cold enough and snow enough in the winter. Then we wouldn’t have so many bugs.”
May 24, 2013
Democrats do not live the way they vote.
Now that Obama has had the reins for over four years and is running amok destroying our nation, I am still confused why he was voted in for the second time.
May 24, 2013
President Barack Obama believes in the public sector. He thinks it should be made ever more expansive and entrusted with ever more complicated tasks. Its unions should be powerful. It should be hailed by all the great and good, and attract the nation’s best and brightest.
May 24, 2013
I am writing this letter to thank and to acknowledge the great and swift job that the Wayne Township Fire Department did, as well as the ambulance, in responding to a medical emergency in our household on May 15.
May 23, 2013
It is worth mentioning that more Americans were killed by the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, last Sept. 11, than were killed by the recent terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon.
May 23, 2013
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
May 21, 2013
Mr. President, the buck stops with you.
President Truman set that standard, with these very words posted on a sign on his Oval Office desk.
But now, with over a thousand days left in this second Obama administration, we find a Nixonian stench emerging from the “W. House.”
May 21, 2013
Rarely has the White House briefing room so resembled the main ballroom at a meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
May 21, 2013
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
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Tires
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An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
Grilling is a simple way to feed your family well this summer. Start with a lean meat and a healthful marinade and then allow the grill to strip away additional fat for a heart-healthy and waist-friendly final result. Plus, grilling caramelizes the natural sugars in foods, which adds flavor without additional calories and fat.
May 24, 2013 1 Photo
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