Did you ever wonder what happened to the three bears after Goldilocks turned their world upside down by breaking into their home and terrorizing them? Well, you're in luck. It just so happens I have the inside scoop. But prepare yourselves. It ain't pretty.
Turns out the bears were so traumatized they moved out of the country and took up residence in the Ukraine. That's when things got really bad. The bears should have checked with the local chamber of commerce or something; maybe asked for a brochure or two. In the Ukraine, bears have totally different lives.
In the Ukraine, hotels, restaurants, and bars like to get bears drunk and force them to dance for the entertainment of patrons and guests. No, I am not making this up because I never, ever do that. Please know that I research everything in this column for several minutes on the Internet before I print it as fact because the Internet never lies about anything. It is run by politicians and science fiction fans and some kind of alien life form, so I know all the information on there is true.
Here's the good news. After many years, the Ukraine just inexplicably suddenly decided to stop the practice. Last August Mykola Zlochevsky, the minister of ecology and natural resources, ordered that bears that had been locked up and forced to perform be freed. It is estimated that the announcement affected about 80 bears across the country.
So now the Ukraine is faced with a new problem. What are they going to do with all the alcoholic bears? There's only one humane thing to do. Send the bears to rehab.
And that is where we now find our trio. The three bears, named Yura, Rosa, and Mashenka, now reside in bear rehab while they come down off the hooch. No word on how they are handling the humiliation they suffer from sobering up and realizing they've been drunken-dancing for strangers for the past several years. I'm guessing the rehab will have to be followed by several years of family therapy. Then they will be released in a neighboring forest at the Synevir Nature Preserve.
The funny part of the story is that the Ukraine is not doing this because it is the right thing to do. It's because the Ukraine is co-host of Euro 2012 soccer tournaments and they knew the world would have its eyes on them and might frown a little at the prospect of drunken, dancing bears. Funny how it is OK to get bears drunk and make them dance until you realize someone could find out about it. But the good news is that our friends will finally have a chance at a normal life. Unless ... but, no. I'm sure she's out of the picture.
Goldilocks scans the story of the Ukraine bears on the Internet and smiles to herself. She has found them: Yura, Rosa, and that whiny, little Mashenka. She's been looking for them for years, since the unfortunate incident when they caught her in their house before she could complete her plan. Had they not reported her, she might have let it slide. But they did. And now they will pay.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book, "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
Now that Obama has had the reins for over four years and is running amok destroying our nation, I am still confused why he was voted in for the second time.
President Barack Obama believes in the public sector. He thinks it should be made ever more expansive and entrusted with ever more complicated tasks. Its unions should be powerful. It should be hailed by all the great and good, and attract the nation’s best and brightest.
I am writing this letter to thank and to acknowledge the great and swift job that the Wayne Township Fire Department did, as well as the ambulance, in responding to a medical emergency in our household on May 15.
It is worth mentioning that more Americans were killed by the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, last Sept. 11, than were killed by the recent terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
Grilling is a simple way to feed your family well this summer. Start with a lean meat and a healthful marinade and then allow the grill to strip away additional fat for a heart-healthy and waist-friendly final result. Plus, grilling caramelizes the natural sugars in foods, which adds flavor without additional calories and fat.
Commentary
Discussion
What ever happened to the three bears?
By Rebecca Todd CNHI
Did you ever wonder what happened to the three bears after Goldilocks turned their world upside down by breaking into their home and terrorizing them? Well, you're in luck. It just so happens I have the inside scoop. But prepare yourselves. It ain't pretty.
Turns out the bears were so traumatized they moved out of the country and took up residence in the Ukraine. That's when things got really bad. The bears should have checked with the local chamber of commerce or something; maybe asked for a brochure or two. In the Ukraine, bears have totally different lives.
In the Ukraine, hotels, restaurants, and bars like to get bears drunk and force them to dance for the entertainment of patrons and guests. No, I am not making this up because I never, ever do that. Please know that I research everything in this column for several minutes on the Internet before I print it as fact because the Internet never lies about anything. It is run by politicians and science fiction fans and some kind of alien life form, so I know all the information on there is true.
Here's the good news. After many years, the Ukraine just inexplicably suddenly decided to stop the practice. Last August Mykola Zlochevsky, the minister of ecology and natural resources, ordered that bears that had been locked up and forced to perform be freed. It is estimated that the announcement affected about 80 bears across the country.
So now the Ukraine is faced with a new problem. What are they going to do with all the alcoholic bears? There's only one humane thing to do. Send the bears to rehab.
And that is where we now find our trio. The three bears, named Yura, Rosa, and Mashenka, now reside in bear rehab while they come down off the hooch. No word on how they are handling the humiliation they suffer from sobering up and realizing they've been drunken-dancing for strangers for the past several years. I'm guessing the rehab will have to be followed by several years of family therapy. Then they will be released in a neighboring forest at the Synevir Nature Preserve.
The funny part of the story is that the Ukraine is not doing this because it is the right thing to do. It's because the Ukraine is co-host of Euro 2012 soccer tournaments and they knew the world would have its eyes on them and might frown a little at the prospect of drunken, dancing bears. Funny how it is OK to get bears drunk and make them dance until you realize someone could find out about it. But the good news is that our friends will finally have a chance at a normal life. Unless ... but, no. I'm sure she's out of the picture.
Goldilocks scans the story of the Ukraine bears on the Internet and smiles to herself. She has found them: Yura, Rosa, and that whiny, little Mashenka. She's been looking for them for years, since the unfortunate incident when they caught her in their house before she could complete her plan. Had they not reported her, she might have let it slide. But they did. And now they will pay.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book, "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.
Every year you hear people saying, “If only it would get cold enough and snow enough in the winter. Then we wouldn’t have so many bugs.”
May 24, 2013
Democrats do not live the way they vote.
Now that Obama has had the reins for over four years and is running amok destroying our nation, I am still confused why he was voted in for the second time.
May 24, 2013
President Barack Obama believes in the public sector. He thinks it should be made ever more expansive and entrusted with ever more complicated tasks. Its unions should be powerful. It should be hailed by all the great and good, and attract the nation’s best and brightest.
May 24, 2013
I am writing this letter to thank and to acknowledge the great and swift job that the Wayne Township Fire Department did, as well as the ambulance, in responding to a medical emergency in our household on May 15.
May 23, 2013
It is worth mentioning that more Americans were killed by the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, last Sept. 11, than were killed by the recent terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon.
May 23, 2013
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
May 21, 2013
Mr. President, the buck stops with you.
President Truman set that standard, with these very words posted on a sign on his Oval Office desk.
But now, with over a thousand days left in this second Obama administration, we find a Nixonian stench emerging from the “W. House.”
May 21, 2013
Rarely has the White House briefing room so resembled the main ballroom at a meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
May 21, 2013
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
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An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
Grilling is a simple way to feed your family well this summer. Start with a lean meat and a healthful marinade and then allow the grill to strip away additional fat for a heart-healthy and waist-friendly final result. Plus, grilling caramelizes the natural sugars in foods, which adds flavor without additional calories and fat.
May 24, 2013 1 Photo
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