By Rebecca Todd
The Hendricks County Flyer
Fri Feb 08, 2013, 12:51 PM EST
It's the biggest sporting event of the year, watched by more than 108 million viewers. Advertisers spend as much as $4 million dollars for a 30-second commercial. Attendees pay around $1,200 for a ticket. It's definitely a marketing conspiracy.
I could go into details about the big company advertising budgets and the way that consumers are paying the bill for all those whacky commercials that frankly, could not even keep me awake this year.
But nobody wants to hear about all of that. It's old news. What everyone can't stop talking about this year is the infamous 35-minute blackout because that was obviously a conspiracy, or so many believe. Various groups are getting the blame for the blackout including Republicans, the San Francisco 49ers, Beyonce, the illusive third Harbaugh brother, Buffalo Wild Wings, Obama, evil marketers, ghosts, and the Chinese.
Those who were actually claiming responsibility were even better. Budweiser claimed they did it to promote their new Black Crown Beer. Terrorist groups lined up to take responsibility.
The truth is any of these things could be true, because nobody actually knows for sure what happened. A spokesperson for electric utility Entergy was quoted as saying that a piece of equipment "sensed an abnormality in the system causing power to be partially cut to the Superdome in order to isolate the issue." In other words, he didn't have a clue.
I like to think that all of the conspiracy people were working together. Here's what I think really happened:
Kevin Harbaugh, an embittered accountant who inherited none of his brothers' athletic prowess, fell in league with a group of evil marketers who were determined to prolong their advertising time during the Super Bowl. They conspired with the Chinese who were angry with the NFL because most of the NFL knock-off products are produced in Taiwan. The fast-talking marketers easily convinced Beyonce to heighten her half-time show with a few extra pieces of equipment and lighting.
In the 49ers locker room during half time, Colin Kaepernick became possessed by the Superdome ghosts. Slowly he rose and headed out to do their bidding.
Meanwhile, Obama was watching the game at a nearby Buffalo Wild Wings. He became agitated by a large group of Republicans who, excited by the game, were waving guns. Because sure, that's what Republicans do. He wanted to put a stop to it. He headed back to talk to the bartender.
After the half time show, the power grid was overwhelmed by Beyonce's show and everything came to a head. The group of Chinese terrorists and evil marketers, led by Kevin, were racing toward the grid to finally bring it down while Colin ambled toward it in a slow trance. They converged at the same time and wrestled with the switch. Meanwhile, Obama was arguing with the bartender commanding him to "throw the switch!"
Suddenly the power in the Superdome went out.
The Chinese, marketers, Kevin, Colin, Obama, the bartender, and the Republicans all fell silent.
A solitary figure stood at the switch with a wicked grin.
It was Kanye West. He didn't want Beyonce to be outdone by a silly football game because he thought she put on the BEST. SHOW. EVER.
And that's what really happened.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Will the current V.A. backlog on veterans’ compensation claims be the next scandal to hit the administration?
Currently, the backlog is at 865,000 plus compensation claims with a wait time of greater than 125 days.
June 18, 2013
Apparently, it is not enough to tolerate, accept, or even endorse the gay agenda. Now, unless you tolerate and accept criminal behavior committed by gays, you are a hater.
Believe it — that is the very public argument being made in behalf of Florida high school cheerleader Kaitlyn Hunt, 18, who faces criminal charges for having sex with a 14-year-old girl.
Word on the street and in the media is that it will be a really bad summer for mosquitoes. Or should I say, it will be a really bad summer for humans, because it will be a great year for thirsty mosquitoes.
June 14, 2013
As a Christian, I feel compelled to respond to a recent letter to the editor.
When Barack Obama announced his presidential campaign back in February 2007, he did it in front of the old Springfield, Ill., Statehouse in a speech full of references to Abraham Lincoln.
Ordinarily I don’t take requests, but a bunch of people have written to ask how I’m doing with my weight-loss surgery and I thought this might be the most efficient way to answer.
June 11, 2013
I am a grandmother who went to the Brownsburg graduation ceremony on June 7 and due to very poor planning on Brownsburg School’s part, I could not sit and watch my twin grandsons graduate in person. I was directed to an overflow room where I had to watch it on a TV screen and could not even take pictures.
What you are now hearing across the land is a collective whine. Blue-state Democrats are upset that Texas Gov. Rick Perry dares come and play in their sandboxes, and worse, threatens to “poach” jobs from their states.
The website Politico reports that Perry’s attempts to lure jobs to Texas are “infuriating to prominent Democrats around the country.”
I am the first to admit I am behind the times when it comes to technology. I remember way back in the olden days of the 1990s when I was actually ahead of the game. Now there are second-graders that are more tech savvy than me. I just decided to stop my forward technological progression a few years back.
June 7, 2013
College graduates facing a crushing debt – some more than $100,000 – is a very big and a very real problem.
But U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s recent proposal to deal with it won’t solve the problem. It is a cheap ploy to divert attention from the real problem.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs Part V: The Big One
Pit bulls “are considered dangerous animals/dogs and potentially hazardous to the community,” a Bessemer, Pa., ordinance states.
June 19, 2013
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