Scientists are predicting that the Milky Way - the galaxy, not the candy bar - is going to crash head-on into the galaxy next door in about 4 billion years.
Great. As if I didn't have enough to worry about already.
Oh, sure. Laugh it off. But let me tell you something: If I have learned anything from a lifetime of reading comic books, it's that galaxies crashing together is no laughing matter. It happens at least twice a year in the comic book universe and the only way they avert disaster is by having Superman and Green Lantern around to straighten things out.
In other words, we're sunk, in about 4 billion years.
But that's another problem: Once again, turning to comic books as our point of reference, scientists are wrong in their predictions every single week. Heck, the reason Superman came to the earth without the rest of his family is because his father Jor-el guessed wrong on the date the planet Krypton was going to explode, and didn't have time to build a bigger rocket.
So don't tell me there's nothing to be concerned about. Today they're saying it could be 4 billion years, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if tomorrow they changed that to 3 billion, and think of the panic that's going to cause.
According to the Brainiacs (another comic book reference - you're welcome) the collision will be "pretty violent as things go in the universe."
"It's like a bad car crash in galaxy-land," said Roeland van der Marel, an astronomer with the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore (the Hubble telescope people).
How bad? They'll be coming together at 1.2 million miles per hour, well over the posted speed limit, in a collision that will take 2 billion years to complete. And when it's all done, the Earth will have a much different night sky. So long, Big Dipper. Hello, Big Mess O' Stars.
So what does this prove?
For starters, it reinforces the notion that things like comic books, science fiction, and the Jetsons aren't just entertainment. In fact, they can be highly instructive, provided they are taken with the proper (heaping) dose of paranoia.
And it also serves to illustrate that we puny humans aren't in control of things nearly as much as we think we are. Taking the long view (about 4 billion years long) teaches us that it's all out of our hands and we might as well just go ahead and enjoy our lives. Who knows? By the time this thing rolls around Superman might be real and then all of our problems will be solved, except for the fact that by then the sun is likely to be so large and so hot as to make Earth uninhabitable. But that's a problem for another comic book.
Today, we can just sit here in the Milky Way - planting gardens, planning vacations, buying green bananas - unconcerned that we are hurtling toward Andromeda, which is the unfortunate name of our neighboring galaxy. Personally, I would have opted for something in keeping with the Milky Way theme, which may be the way we should go when the collision finally happens. And I have the perfect name for this new mashed-up collection of stars, planets, and space stuff - appropriate especially when you consider the only sensible reaction to this story.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our new galaxy: Snickers.
I am writing this letter to thank and to acknowledge the great and swift job that the Wayne Township Fire Department did, as well as the ambulance, in responding to a medical emergency in our household on May 15.
It is worth mentioning that more Americans were killed by the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, last Sept. 11, than were killed by the recent terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
Twitter is adding a new security tool to its website, making it harder for outsiders to gain access to accounts, a month after a false posting triggered a stock-market decline.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
Commentary
Discussion
Time to start preparing
By Mike Redmond CNHI
Scientists are predicting that the Milky Way - the galaxy, not the candy bar - is going to crash head-on into the galaxy next door in about 4 billion years.
Great. As if I didn't have enough to worry about already.
Oh, sure. Laugh it off. But let me tell you something: If I have learned anything from a lifetime of reading comic books, it's that galaxies crashing together is no laughing matter. It happens at least twice a year in the comic book universe and the only way they avert disaster is by having Superman and Green Lantern around to straighten things out.
In other words, we're sunk, in about 4 billion years.
But that's another problem: Once again, turning to comic books as our point of reference, scientists are wrong in their predictions every single week. Heck, the reason Superman came to the earth without the rest of his family is because his father Jor-el guessed wrong on the date the planet Krypton was going to explode, and didn't have time to build a bigger rocket.
So don't tell me there's nothing to be concerned about. Today they're saying it could be 4 billion years, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if tomorrow they changed that to 3 billion, and think of the panic that's going to cause.
According to the Brainiacs (another comic book reference - you're welcome) the collision will be "pretty violent as things go in the universe."
"It's like a bad car crash in galaxy-land," said Roeland van der Marel, an astronomer with the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore (the Hubble telescope people).
How bad? They'll be coming together at 1.2 million miles per hour, well over the posted speed limit, in a collision that will take 2 billion years to complete. And when it's all done, the Earth will have a much different night sky. So long, Big Dipper. Hello, Big Mess O' Stars.
So what does this prove?
For starters, it reinforces the notion that things like comic books, science fiction, and the Jetsons aren't just entertainment. In fact, they can be highly instructive, provided they are taken with the proper (heaping) dose of paranoia.
And it also serves to illustrate that we puny humans aren't in control of things nearly as much as we think we are. Taking the long view (about 4 billion years long) teaches us that it's all out of our hands and we might as well just go ahead and enjoy our lives. Who knows? By the time this thing rolls around Superman might be real and then all of our problems will be solved, except for the fact that by then the sun is likely to be so large and so hot as to make Earth uninhabitable. But that's a problem for another comic book.
Today, we can just sit here in the Milky Way - planting gardens, planning vacations, buying green bananas - unconcerned that we are hurtling toward Andromeda, which is the unfortunate name of our neighboring galaxy. Personally, I would have opted for something in keeping with the Milky Way theme, which may be the way we should go when the collision finally happens. And I have the perfect name for this new mashed-up collection of stars, planets, and space stuff - appropriate especially when you consider the only sensible reaction to this story.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our new galaxy: Snickers.
© 2012 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
I am writing this letter to thank and to acknowledge the great and swift job that the Wayne Township Fire Department did, as well as the ambulance, in responding to a medical emergency in our household on May 15.
May 23, 2013
It is worth mentioning that more Americans were killed by the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, last Sept. 11, than were killed by the recent terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon.
May 23, 2013
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
May 21, 2013
Mr. President, the buck stops with you.
President Truman set that standard, with these very words posted on a sign on his Oval Office desk.
But now, with over a thousand days left in this second Obama administration, we find a Nixonian stench emerging from the “W. House.”
May 21, 2013
Rarely has the White House briefing room so resembled the main ballroom at a meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
May 21, 2013
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
May 17, 2013
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
May 17, 2013
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
Follow me on Twitter
Will you be attending this year's Indy 500?
Tires
Telecommunications
Beauty Salons
Government
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
Twitter is adding a new security tool to its website, making it harder for outsiders to gain access to accounts, a month after a false posting triggered a stock-market decline.
May 23, 2013 1 Photo
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
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