Dear Celebrities who somehow believe you make our lives worth living, even though most of you have no discernible talent ... I have a request.
Would you please stop making sex tapes? We'd all be grateful. And by "we" I mean every single American who fires up his computer, opens a newspaper, or leafs through a magazine only to find that another of you has been stupid enough to record for posterity your expertise in doing the horizontal mambo.
You would think that people in your line of work, whatever that is, would have this figured out by now: There is no such thing as privacy anymore.
You do something dumb (see above under What Were You Thinking?) and there is a 100 percent chance it is going to be out of your control in a matter of days. Once that happens, it will be on the web in a matter of minutes.
Once there, it is going to be around the world in seconds. And it's only a matter of time before it will be beamed to all the other planets in the solar system as well.
I realize that being a celebrity involves a certain amount of attention-seeking. No, strike that. It is 100 percent attention-seeking.
Which puts you in much the same pursuit as various persons I have seen prowling downtown streets at night looking, no doubt, for rides to visit their sick grandmothers.
Even so, the kind of attention you get from these tapes - Hulk Hogan being the latest, and possibly grossest, example - does not seem to be entirely positive.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, if indeed you can think, that people like me are just awful prudes. To which I say, maybe.
Then again, maybe not. Personally, I believe that sex is a lot of things, most of them ranging from good to spectacular, and I intend to try it again one of these days very soon.
No, I could care less who you are sparking with, or how. What I am tired of is the inevitable Drama (capital D) that comes in the wake of a released personal video.
First comes the breathless announcement from some sleazily reliable source that such a video exists, along with links to make sure everyone goes to the right sleazily reliable website to see for themselves. This is followed by a hailstorm of condemnation that can only come after something has been viewed several million times. After that comes the celebrity statement, which can go one of two ways: Defiantly playing the victim because something very personal and private has been leaked to the universe, or tearfully playing the victim because something very personal and private has been leaked to the universe.
Then the dust settles, we wait a week, and it happens again with a different celebrity.
And it's all very tiresome. I'm serious. Rolling your eyes all the time because of something so unpardonably stupid will wear a person out. And it's not just you. It's equally tiring just to sit through all the thumping commentary from the people who have to watch the tape 50 or 60 times to make sure of how horrible it is.
So stop. Just stop. The world has real problems and you're just cluttering it up. Not to mention, eeuuww.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
When J.J. Abrams took over the "Star Trek" franchise in 2009, he boldly went where the series hadn't gone before — romantically — pairing Uhura with Spock. Many fans disliked the change. Some loved it. Others didn't care, because they just wanted to see Kirk and Spock make out.
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
Commentary
Discussion
No longer shocked by celebrity sex tapes
By Mike Redmond CNHI
Dear Celebrities who somehow believe you make our lives worth living, even though most of you have no discernible talent ... I have a request.
Would you please stop making sex tapes? We'd all be grateful. And by "we" I mean every single American who fires up his computer, opens a newspaper, or leafs through a magazine only to find that another of you has been stupid enough to record for posterity your expertise in doing the horizontal mambo.
You would think that people in your line of work, whatever that is, would have this figured out by now: There is no such thing as privacy anymore.
You do something dumb (see above under What Were You Thinking?) and there is a 100 percent chance it is going to be out of your control in a matter of days. Once that happens, it will be on the web in a matter of minutes.
Once there, it is going to be around the world in seconds. And it's only a matter of time before it will be beamed to all the other planets in the solar system as well.
I realize that being a celebrity involves a certain amount of attention-seeking. No, strike that. It is 100 percent attention-seeking.
Which puts you in much the same pursuit as various persons I have seen prowling downtown streets at night looking, no doubt, for rides to visit their sick grandmothers.
Even so, the kind of attention you get from these tapes - Hulk Hogan being the latest, and possibly grossest, example - does not seem to be entirely positive.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, if indeed you can think, that people like me are just awful prudes. To which I say, maybe.
Then again, maybe not. Personally, I believe that sex is a lot of things, most of them ranging from good to spectacular, and I intend to try it again one of these days very soon.
No, I could care less who you are sparking with, or how. What I am tired of is the inevitable Drama (capital D) that comes in the wake of a released personal video.
First comes the breathless announcement from some sleazily reliable source that such a video exists, along with links to make sure everyone goes to the right sleazily reliable website to see for themselves. This is followed by a hailstorm of condemnation that can only come after something has been viewed several million times. After that comes the celebrity statement, which can go one of two ways: Defiantly playing the victim because something very personal and private has been leaked to the universe, or tearfully playing the victim because something very personal and private has been leaked to the universe.
Then the dust settles, we wait a week, and it happens again with a different celebrity.
And it's all very tiresome. I'm serious. Rolling your eyes all the time because of something so unpardonably stupid will wear a person out. And it's not just you. It's equally tiring just to sit through all the thumping commentary from the people who have to watch the tape 50 or 60 times to make sure of how horrible it is.
So stop. Just stop. The world has real problems and you're just cluttering it up. Not to mention, eeuuww.
Thank you.
© 2012 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
I hate dog movies. In dog movies, the good, loyal, lovable dog always dies at the end and I end up sitting there in the dark with big tears streaming down my cheeks.
May 21, 2013
Mr. President, the buck stops with you.
President Truman set that standard, with these very words posted on a sign on his Oval Office desk.
But now, with over a thousand days left in this second Obama administration, we find a Nixonian stench emerging from the “W. House.”
May 21, 2013
Rarely has the White House briefing room so resembled the main ballroom at a meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
May 21, 2013
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
May 17, 2013
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
May 17, 2013
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
On April 27, Dr. Jeff Butts demonstrated a rare form of servant leadership as he participated in the Go Love Indy westside service project.
May 13, 2013
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
May 13, 2013
Follow me on Twitter
Will you be attending this year's Indy 500?
Tires
Telecommunications
Beauty Salons
Government
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
When J.J. Abrams took over the "Star Trek" franchise in 2009, he boldly went where the series hadn't gone before — romantically — pairing Uhura with Spock. Many fans disliked the change. Some loved it. Others didn't care, because they just wanted to see Kirk and Spock make out.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013 1 Photo
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
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