Occasionally I imagine myself as fluent in several languages. It's not without some basis in fact: Over the years I have studied French, Russian, Latin, German, and Spanish.
"Some basis in fact," however, does not mean "reality."
The fact is, when I try to speak a language other than Standard Northern Indiana English (Such As It Is), I become tongue-tied. Or, considering the number of languages involved, tongues-tied.
French, for example. I took French for three years in school. What do I remember? I remember not liking French, for one thing. I remember that I had to introduce myself by saying "je m'appelle Marcel" because my real French name, Michel, was already taken by another classmate, also named Mike; and I remember fragments of conversation drills, none of which I have ever used. Ever. Of course, it might have helped if I had visited France, but that's beside the point.
This leads us to Russian, which I studied for about a year. My Russian is even more pathetic than my French. I remember how to say "Good evening," "Thank you," "Goodbye," "apple," "chimpanzee," and "who said meow?" This will be extremely useful if I am ever greeted by a meowing primate offering fruit.
Now, on to Latin. I took Latin for a year, thinking it would shore up some of my linguistic weaknesses. Unfortunately, I was so rotten at it that I can't tell if my plan worked. My Latin is pretty much limited to "Ad astra per aspera" (through difficulty to the stars, the state motto of Kansas); "Vestis virum reddit" (clothes make the man); and "Semper ubi sub ubi" (always wear underwear).
So forget Latin. My Pig Latin, however, is errific-tay.
German was next. For German I had a crackpot teacher who drilled the language into us with goofy bromides: "Arbeit mach das Leben s٤, work makes life sweet, how true, class, how true." I thought the man was out of his mind. I also learned more from him than any other language teacher.
Now I am learning Spanish via a home study course. According to the course, I am doing splendidly. According to people who speak Spanish, not so much.
Oh, I know a lot of words and phrases, but stitching them all into conversation is another matter entirely. On the computer, I am Don Miguel, el de la lengua de plata (Sir Michael of the silver tongue). In real life, I am Mortimer Snerd, idiota.
For one thing, all those other languages in my head pop out at inopportune moments. I can be trying out a phrase in Spanish when two or three words of German will break free from my memory banks and insert themselves into what I'm saying: Donde esta la herrensraum?
I must say looks on the faces of the waiters at Mexican restaurants are priceless.
But I will struggle on. Maybe I can break through my own personal language barrier and realize my dream of - well, fluency is probably too much to hope for. I'll settle for competence. And less stuttering.
As it is, I've already learned a dandy phrase to go with my Latin mottos and German platitudes: "Los calcetinas huelen mal."
Good one, huh? "Los calcetinas huelen mal." Just sort of rolls right off the tongue: "Los calcetinas huelen mal."
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
Someone had to take the fall for President Barack Obama thoughtlessly drawing a “red line” threatening serious consequences if Syria used chemical weapons. It turns out that it is the president himself.
There were other issues that had potentially greater financial impact or will leave a more resolute imprint on people’s lives, such as Medicaid expansion and Common Core.
Photos: Aftermath of massive tornado in Moore
Storm victims were pulled from the rubble and residents began surveying the damage late Monday and early Tuesday in the Oklahoma City suburb of Moore, where a powerful tornado destroyed entire neighborhoods and left dozens dead.
Photos: Aftermath of massive tornado in Moore
Storm victims were pulled from the rubble and residents began surveying the damage late Monday and early Tuesday in the Oklahoma City suburb of Moore, where a powerful tornado destroyed entire neighborhoods and left dozens dead.
Photos: Aftermath of massive tornado in Moore
Storm victims were pulled from the rubble and residents began surveying the damage late Monday and early Tuesday in the Oklahoma City suburb of Moore, where a powerful tornado destroyed entire neighborhoods and left dozens dead.
Commentary
Discussion
Fluent is a matter of opinion
By Mike Redmond CNHI
Occasionally I imagine myself as fluent in several languages. It's not without some basis in fact: Over the years I have studied French, Russian, Latin, German, and Spanish.
"Some basis in fact," however, does not mean "reality."
The fact is, when I try to speak a language other than Standard Northern Indiana English (Such As It Is), I become tongue-tied. Or, considering the number of languages involved, tongues-tied.
French, for example. I took French for three years in school. What do I remember? I remember not liking French, for one thing. I remember that I had to introduce myself by saying "je m'appelle Marcel" because my real French name, Michel, was already taken by another classmate, also named Mike; and I remember fragments of conversation drills, none of which I have ever used. Ever. Of course, it might have helped if I had visited France, but that's beside the point.
This leads us to Russian, which I studied for about a year. My Russian is even more pathetic than my French. I remember how to say "Good evening," "Thank you," "Goodbye," "apple," "chimpanzee," and "who said meow?" This will be extremely useful if I am ever greeted by a meowing primate offering fruit.
Now, on to Latin. I took Latin for a year, thinking it would shore up some of my linguistic weaknesses. Unfortunately, I was so rotten at it that I can't tell if my plan worked. My Latin is pretty much limited to "Ad astra per aspera" (through difficulty to the stars, the state motto of Kansas); "Vestis virum reddit" (clothes make the man); and "Semper ubi sub ubi" (always wear underwear).
So forget Latin. My Pig Latin, however, is errific-tay.
German was next. For German I had a crackpot teacher who drilled the language into us with goofy bromides: "Arbeit mach das Leben s٤, work makes life sweet, how true, class, how true." I thought the man was out of his mind. I also learned more from him than any other language teacher.
Now I am learning Spanish via a home study course. According to the course, I am doing splendidly. According to people who speak Spanish, not so much.
Oh, I know a lot of words and phrases, but stitching them all into conversation is another matter entirely. On the computer, I am Don Miguel, el de la lengua de plata (Sir Michael of the silver tongue). In real life, I am Mortimer Snerd, idiota.
For one thing, all those other languages in my head pop out at inopportune moments. I can be trying out a phrase in Spanish when two or three words of German will break free from my memory banks and insert themselves into what I'm saying: Donde esta la herrensraum?
I must say looks on the faces of the waiters at Mexican restaurants are priceless.
But I will struggle on. Maybe I can break through my own personal language barrier and realize my dream of - well, fluency is probably too much to hope for. I'll settle for competence. And less stuttering.
As it is, I've already learned a dandy phrase to go with my Latin mottos and German platitudes: "Los calcetinas huelen mal."
Good one, huh? "Los calcetinas huelen mal." Just sort of rolls right off the tongue: "Los calcetinas huelen mal."
It means "the socks smell bad."
Call me Ortimer-may Erd-snay.
© 2012 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
Rarely has the White House briefing room so resembled the main ballroom at a meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
May 21, 2013
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
May 17, 2013
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
May 17, 2013
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
On April 27, Dr. Jeff Butts demonstrated a rare form of servant leadership as he participated in the Go Love Indy westside service project.
May 13, 2013
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
May 13, 2013
Someone had to take the fall for President Barack Obama thoughtlessly drawing a “red line” threatening serious consequences if Syria used chemical weapons. It turns out that it is the president himself.
May 13, 2013
There were other issues that had potentially greater financial impact or will leave a more resolute imprint on people’s lives, such as Medicaid expansion and Common Core.
May 13, 2013
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Tires
Telecommunications
Beauty Salons
Government
May 21, 2013
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
May 21, 2013
May 21, 2013
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
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