I'm sure we've all seen the commercial: A guy stands at his grill while the tag of his underwear makes all kinds of snarky remarks until Michael Jordan comes along and saves the day by ripping out the tag and throwing it into the fire.
And perhaps you've had the same question as me, namely: When did tags on your underpants turn into such a big deal? Also, when did they start talking?
Actually, I've been wondering about this for a couple of years now, ever since I started seeing men's unmentionables in the stores with big, bold declarations of taglessness on the outside of the package.
Between that and the commercials, you'd think tagless underwear was an innovation to rival Alexander Graham Bell's telephone, Thomas Edison's light bulb, and Samuel F.B. Morse's electric telegraph.
Why, I can hear the speech even now: "Today we learn of an amazing development, destined to change the course of history, proof yet again that there's no match for American ingenuity, no obstacle that cannot be overcome with good old Yankee grit: Underwear with no tag in it. Just think of it. Decades of underwear tags rendered obsolete with one stupendous achievement.
"All across this great land, men and women are cheering. Bonfires are blazing, church bells are ringing. Babies are being tossed into the air and in the majority of cases, caught.
"We shed a tear of joy as we stand proudly to declare our undying appreciation for this glorious news. American tagless underwear manufacturers, a grateful nation thanks you."
Looks to me like what's being manufactured here is a big load of what we used to shovel out of the barn.
I, for one, have heard no clamor for tagless underwear. Not that I spend a lot of time listening for people to mention it. Let's just say it has never come up in my social circle. And as an experienced underwear wearer (underwearer?) I can also tell you that not once have I ever thought to myself, "Boy, I wish my underpants were tagless."
My boxer briefs have never made snarky comments about my ability to cook on a grill. For that matter, I can't recall a time when my underwear tags made any kind of comment to me. And if they did, I don't think I'd be calling a basketball player for help. Not while there are psychiatrists on the planet.
What we have here, I think, is a solution to a made-up problem. People love to feel aggrieved, you know. In fact, there are lots of people who aren't happy unless they're miserable. They just don't always know what they're miserable about. This creates a perfect opportunity for a creative underwear company to swoop in and make a declaration about underwear tags, as if they were the root of all our suffering, and then offer a solution to a problem we didn't know we had.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe tagless underpants really are an innovation like Bell's phone, Edison's bulb, and Morse's telegraph. In that case, let me point out that all those things are obsolete. If tagless underwear follows the same pattern, it won't be long until it, too, disappears and we all go commando.
And no, I do not want to see a commercial for that.
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It’s a bleak scenario. A massive earthquake along the New Madrid fault kills or injures 60,000 people in Tennessee. A quarter of a million people are homeless.
Commentary
Discussion
Another epic breakthrough
By Mike Redmond CNHI
I'm sure we've all seen the commercial: A guy stands at his grill while the tag of his underwear makes all kinds of snarky remarks until Michael Jordan comes along and saves the day by ripping out the tag and throwing it into the fire.
And perhaps you've had the same question as me, namely: When did tags on your underpants turn into such a big deal? Also, when did they start talking?
Actually, I've been wondering about this for a couple of years now, ever since I started seeing men's unmentionables in the stores with big, bold declarations of taglessness on the outside of the package.
Between that and the commercials, you'd think tagless underwear was an innovation to rival Alexander Graham Bell's telephone, Thomas Edison's light bulb, and Samuel F.B. Morse's electric telegraph.
Why, I can hear the speech even now: "Today we learn of an amazing development, destined to change the course of history, proof yet again that there's no match for American ingenuity, no obstacle that cannot be overcome with good old Yankee grit: Underwear with no tag in it. Just think of it. Decades of underwear tags rendered obsolete with one stupendous achievement.
"All across this great land, men and women are cheering. Bonfires are blazing, church bells are ringing. Babies are being tossed into the air and in the majority of cases, caught.
"We shed a tear of joy as we stand proudly to declare our undying appreciation for this glorious news. American tagless underwear manufacturers, a grateful nation thanks you."
Looks to me like what's being manufactured here is a big load of what we used to shovel out of the barn.
I, for one, have heard no clamor for tagless underwear. Not that I spend a lot of time listening for people to mention it. Let's just say it has never come up in my social circle. And as an experienced underwear wearer (underwearer?) I can also tell you that not once have I ever thought to myself, "Boy, I wish my underpants were tagless."
My boxer briefs have never made snarky comments about my ability to cook on a grill. For that matter, I can't recall a time when my underwear tags made any kind of comment to me. And if they did, I don't think I'd be calling a basketball player for help. Not while there are psychiatrists on the planet.
What we have here, I think, is a solution to a made-up problem. People love to feel aggrieved, you know. In fact, there are lots of people who aren't happy unless they're miserable. They just don't always know what they're miserable about. This creates a perfect opportunity for a creative underwear company to swoop in and make a declaration about underwear tags, as if they were the root of all our suffering, and then offer a solution to a problem we didn't know we had.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe tagless underpants really are an innovation like Bell's phone, Edison's bulb, and Morse's telegraph. In that case, let me point out that all those things are obsolete. If tagless underwear follows the same pattern, it won't be long until it, too, disappears and we all go commando.
And no, I do not want to see a commercial for that.
© 2012 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
I’ve not kept it a secret that I find people who dress their dogs in clothes to be, to put it nicely, somewhat more than just eccentric. And many friendly, helpful readers out there have not kept it a secret that they really wish I would not express my views about dogs dressed as humans.
May 17, 2013
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
May 17, 2013
The federal government recently announced new regulations for buying fast food.
May 17, 2013
It sounds like the plot from a dystopian libertarian novel. The word “patriot” and the phrase “educating on the Constitution and Bill of Rights” triggered heightened scrutiny from the most intrusive agency in the federal government.
May 17, 2013
The action at the bird feeder has been spectacular lately: Cardinals, finches, songbirds in impressive variety crowding around all day long in search of sustenance. It is truly gratifying …
For my neighbor.
That’s what it’s like at his feeder.
May 14, 2013
On April 27, Dr. Jeff Butts demonstrated a rare form of servant leadership as he participated in the Go Love Indy westside service project.
May 13, 2013
Everyone presumes that Sen. Chuck Schumer, the media-hungry Democrat from New York, wants to be the next Senate majority leader. His performance in the negotiations over the Gang of Eight immigration plan should bolster his case for an eventual promotion.
May 13, 2013
Someone had to take the fall for President Barack Obama thoughtlessly drawing a “red line” threatening serious consequences if Syria used chemical weapons. It turns out that it is the president himself.
May 13, 2013
There were other issues that had potentially greater financial impact or will leave a more resolute imprint on people’s lives, such as Medicaid expansion and Common Core.
May 13, 2013
It happens every year at this time; I make a little dandelion whine. So here goes.
May 10, 2013
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Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
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May 17, 2013 1 Photo
It’s a bleak scenario. A massive earthquake along the New Madrid fault kills or injures 60,000 people in Tennessee. A quarter of a million people are homeless.
May 19, 2013 3 Photos 3 Stories
Complete Report:
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars
Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs
Part V: The Big One
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